i feel as though everything is going wrong with me... skating isn't working, at least for this week and that's pretty much my life now... saw something yesterday that ruined my whole day... couldn't skate well after, i was so down. I feel as though i did something wrong and im getting punished for it. First my junior test, then skating horribly, then.... meh whatever... i hope things brighten up soon..
went to aritzia and splurged on a tank top for myself.. i deserve it, i also got lotsa fries and a big cup of ice cream.. somehow, ice cream is a temporary relief from stuff... i can't wait till skating is over for me.. i really can't stand it anymore.. i suck too much to get anywhere in it now...maybe it's my attitude.. meh.. whatever...
fate plays with your mind... it leads you into believing something then it takes its own twist and goes the complete opposite direction.. I guess I saw it coming.. maybe that's why im not as upset as my friends expected.. whatever... im taking polly's theory.. save it for the right one...
moving on.....
12:39 PM
today was probably the day where i felt most tired, most drained out, most exhausted, and most sick throughout the whole summer. Woke up really early today coz I had to be in school by 9.
Highlight of the Day: Driving by myself to school, to derek's house, back to school, then back home!! with no mommy!!! IM GETTING THERE!
anyways.. driving was awesome... i felt so free even though i wasn't really.. so I got to school and waited for a while until dirk showed up. Then we hung out by my car till nger got there. We finished the final proofs of the yearbook! yay!!! hehehe.. now i have "THE BOOK" with me. All the work we did throughout the entire year is with me. hehehe.. don't i feel special.. anyways.. went home and changed quickly so that i could get to skating on time.
Once i got to skating, i felt so drained out. I was sooo tired i could barely keep my eyes open. that went on throughout the day and stretching before skating seriously didn't help much. Hip Hop was exhausting but loads of fun.. Its always fun if Clarence is the instructor. Anyways... tired day today.. More Later...
Tata for now....
9:31 PM
i forgot to add.. my dad called this morning and said that he bought me a gown from italy. It's an evening gown suitable for the prom next year. I know my dad has good taste but i can't help but wonder what it looks like and if it would fit. My dad also said not to bring any clothes to the philippines and to just buy everything new there. NEW WARDROBE, HERE I COME! haha.. can't wait
11:24 PM
since my last post.. i have
- tried my junior test
- failed my junior test
- anticipate my dad forcing me to quit
- actually discussing quitting with my mom
- quit skating officially for a day
- talked to my dad who's in italy
- been told RATIONALLY! not to quit
- returned back to skating.. and a whole lot more..
- let me elaborate
All last week.. i was skating pretty well. I landed most of my d. axels.. (which my life revolves around) did loads of clean solos and i was pretty confident going into my test on friday. I skated friday morning and once again landed all d. axels and i was pretty happy knowing that if i did that during the test, i would definitely pass. I guess i was a wee bit overconfident. I was hyper and relaxed when i got to the rink and I had a really good warm up. Landed all the d. axels i though that this test would be a pushover. Boy was I wrong. As I started my solo, I wasn't thinking about anything but as the d. axel approached a thought entered my brain. A thought that no doubt ruined the entire day. I shouldn't have even thought it! I thought "What happens if I fall?" Dramatically, I skated slower into the d. axel a little nervous and anxious about it instead of letting my muscle memory do its thing and allow myself to just jump up like i normally do. This time.. I allowed myself to think which everyone knows you're not supposed to do when you jump. (which i why i think of ice cream when i skate). So naturally I jump and FALL!!! and slice a chunk of my finger off. great.. so because of that fall, i was hung up on it that it ruined the rest of my solo by being sloppy and untidy and slow in speed not to mention I was bloody from my cut that my arms and hands were bloody and i was gushing blood onto the ice. Naturally i fail my test and beforehand i knew that if i failed, my dad would yell and possibly force me to quit. I was terrified to talk to my dad.
In the car, my mom and I started talking. We considered the possibility of quitting and how it was more practical since october was approaching and we would have to pay a huge chunk of annual dues at the granite. It was easier to just quit and concentrate on school and save the money that would be wasted since its my last year anyways. I thought about it, and I thought that God seriously does not want me to skate anymore so I agreed. I officially quit. Part of me was joyful but the majority was really sad. i could not imagine life without skating.. sadly to say.
I get home and I call my dad while being really anxious and scared. I tell my dad that I failed and braced myself for the worse. Surprise! my dad was not mad! he told me that its okay and ill just try again. He was so rationale! I was like "Put my dad back on the phone!" He talked to my mom and my mom brought up quitting and my dad was like NO! Even though my goals for you have changed that wasn't said to discourage youf rom skating. It would be such a waste. Just keep going until you really can't anymore. So.. i returned to skating.. in one day! weird huh? anyways.. that was the most stressful part of my weekend.
My mom, me and mike went to watch the bourne supremacy after. gave me a giant headache coz the camera kept moving!!! didn't like it too much. The next day, lemuel and willing went to ottawa but they drove me to enoch's church first. That was fun. We played capture the flag with a whole bunch of guys! it was me, melody, mike, hiu, george, enoch, hao and tim from pca but a whole bunch of other people. Anyways.. that included a bbq and a worship session and dessert! YAY! hehehe.. fun day.
Sunday: my mom and I were supposed to be picked up by karen to go to missisauga for a ballet with simon and xing. karen made me drive so i drove all the way to missisauga! Im very proud of myself. that was a fun ballet.. we saw a guys bare butt!hehe.. jo and I went to square one after and I splurged on a pair of capris that I shouldn't have bought. WHOOPS! fun fun day.. need to go shopping again! hehe... anyways.. that's all for now..
10:08 PM
its been a while since i last posted.. what has happened??? My Birthday happened so that was fun.. im officially 17!!! it was my golden birthday too when i turn the age of the day i was born since I was born July 17.. herm.. what else.. nothing much... Went to watch spidy 2 on sunday with patty his family and mike.. went to red lobster last night... then today... EWWW! today.. was absolutely horrible... First it was scorching hot outside and we had to do fitness outside! tres horrible! then skating absolutely sucked!!! didn't even do a full long today coz i was way too tired to do anything... fricking messed up my d. axel soo many times that Mrs. burka had to give me a lecture on how my life doesn't revolve around the d. axel and how I should'nt get hung up on it... it sorta helped.. crappy day overall.. then wes drove me home.. that was funny... now im at home... feeling tired.. my ankles hurt alot.. haha.. i bet this totally did not make sense!
9:02 PM
Your: Wondering eyes. Your not quite focused and
your quite the day dreamer. Your a bit odd and
as many say "Your head is in the
clouds."
What type of eyes do you have?
brought to you by Quizilla
7:58 PM
today was extremely tiring.. meh.. but bearable.. injured my groin today... doing who knows what... i think it was from the side spirals that mrs. burka forced me to do yesterday.. more like yelled and screamed for me to do.. yelling STRETCH YOUR LEG!!! HIGHER HIGHER!!! grrr.... anyways... yeah.. my groin bothered me alot today... what else... ballet was a hoot! sooo funny.. we hated the teacher so all we did was talk even though she told us not to... there were six of us crammed into this puny little bar that was all wobbly and weird.. patty leaned on it and it dropped! haha.. well, patty, that disgusting pig, took his freaky and smelly feet and rubbed it over my arm!!! GROSS! then his feet were in front of me and i had to stretch so i had to sniif his feet! GROSSS!!! anyways.. patty got a digital camera today.. from shin.. for nationals.. sooo unfair! its the 5.0 cybershot by sony!!! that lucky bastard.. what else... went to marche for lunch today.. they're going strawberry crazy!!! strawberry salad, balsamic marinated strawberries, strawberry lemonade, strawberry everything! it was part of a berry berry good promotion.. did you know that they are serving over 250,000 strawberries this week! hahaha.. look at me and my useless facts... i seem to know alot of them! hahaha.. anyways.. skated alright.. did a hellish ordeal of a stroking class with jumps.. man.. i wish i got that milkshake..although i did buy myself one.. hahaha.. anywhoo.. that's all for now...
JO! check out the song!!!! hahahahahaha.. i still love this song for some odd reason..
7:29 PM
4 days till im 17!!!! im awaiting a lot of gifts! jk.. hahahahaha.. not like anyone reads this anyways..
fun day today!!!! although it is still skating boot camp.. it was fun! got to the granite one hour earlier than usual to have a pep talk with Petra on goal setting and planning out my skating career which is kinda pointless since i only have one year left.. anyways.. i wrote down my goals for today and surprisingly, i met them!!! my main goal today was to land one clean d. axel and I DID!!! sigg was a witness!!! oh man. i was HAPPY! heehee.. so we had fitness at 12:15 with Sean.. spin biking was fun, then doing stuff on the ball and weights, then stretching.. usually that's horrible but since there was soo many people today it was fun!!!! EVERYONE was here today.. cept for BRIT! who's in stinking NYC!!! anyways.. we had jump class then and then one hour on the ice... wow.. im slowly losing my vocabulary.. meh.. that was alright.. pilates was hard but fun coz jo was there and she made her UGH! before taking a swan dive! hahahahaha... we're slowly gonna come up with a new list like last summer!!! herm... skating was great after that! landed all d. axels that i atempted... YAY FOR ME!!! followed by my clean d. axel! YAY!!!! its a good day today... man.. i miss jo soo much! heehee.. it was soo much more fun with her not that it wasn't fun without her but i miss the secret talking in mandarin, the inside jokes and stuff... heehee.. anyways... now im home...
LIST 2:
- UGH! swan dive
- cross legs in stretch...
wow... my dream last night was sooo weird.. i dreamt that i was in ancient times and this giant truck was chasing after me so i hid behind a lamp pole then i ran to mr. northcott's office and he was having cheerleading tryouts and then the cheerleaders ganged up on me and went in the truck and started to chase me again! can anyone explain this please???? hahahahahaha
LYRICS TO SMOOTH
Man it's a hot one
Like seven inches from the midday sun
I hear you whisper and the words melt everyone
But you stay so cool
My Muñequita, my Spanish Harlem Mona Lisa
You're my reason for reason
The step in my groove
And if you said this life ain't good enough
I would give my world to lift you up
I could change my life to better suit your mood
'Cause you're so smooth
And it's just like the ocean under the moon
Well that's the same as the emotion that I get from you
You got the kind of lovin that could be so smooth
Give me your heart make it real
Or else forget about it
Well I'll tell you one thing
If you would leave it be a crying shame
In every breath and every word
I hear your name calling me out
Out from the barrio, you hear my rhythm on your radio
You feel the turning of the world so soft and slow
Turning you round and round
8:16 PM
havn't blogged in a while...not much has happened... i pretty much wasted a whole week filming at ice princess... im not gonna wish i was back there but i am gonna miss it... we did much more than walking behind a door and standing at the sides this time around.. we were in the warm up room and had to like squish into an area with the stars checking results and stuff.. i actually got to butt in front of kim catrall but she's really nice... we actually got to talk to the stars this time.. michelle trachtenburg came up to me and said that my dress was pretty, hayden talked to us a lot, kim catrall said my necklace was really cool... they're actually pretty nice... we had to work long days up to 2 in the morning.everyone was in a bad mood by the end of the week, even joel the assistant director didn't want to go inside the set because he knew the director was gonna yell at him... grr... anyways.. what else... i took sarah home all week this week and she slept over on thursday night.. she's soo funny... i wish she didn't live in ottawa.. anyways.. not much... there was no oppurtunity to do anything but sit around the tent during filming so i literally didn't do anything all week.. hehehe.. anyways.. go watch the movie and try to find my head in it! hahaha.. im pretty sure you'll see me one time or another...
1:00 AM