Tuesday, January 31, 2006
its easy to say the things you want to hear, its easy to smile and laugh and pretend everything is okay. Im good at that, smilng and laughing. But a wound is a wound. It hurts. And it will take time for me to say the things that I once said. My words have taken greater meaning and I will make sure I mean it with my entire heart before they are spoken again.
6:49 PM
its easy to say the things you want to hear, its easy to smile and laugh and pretend everything is okay. Im good at that, smilng and laughing. But a wound is a wound. It hurts. And it will take time for me to say the things that I once said. My words have taken greater meaning and I will make sure I mean it with my entire heart before they are spoken again.
6:49 PM
Monday, January 30, 2006
I am strong willed
I can do anything I put my heart to
I have my values and I will protect them
Words alone will not be enough to make me defer from this
It takes more than that
the reason? I have a greater support system than I ever imagined
and these are the people who truly look out for me
over the course of time, time really reveals the truth
I remember words, ALL of them and I will never forget
___________________
oh the irony of selling roses is enough to kill me! good times at UCC though..
___________________
bakit mo akong sinasaktan kung sabi mo mahal mo ako?
ano pa kailangan mo?
Binigay ko sayo yung buong puso ko?
Kulang pa ba yan?
ano pang gusto mo? buong buhay ko?
3:48 PM
I am strong willed
I can do anything I put my heart to
I have my values and I will protect them
Words alone will not be enough to make me defer from this
It takes more than that
the reason? I have a greater support system than I ever imagined
and these are the people who truly look out for me
over the course of time, time really reveals the truth
I remember words, ALL of them and I will never forget
___________________
oh the irony of selling roses is enough to kill me! good times at UCC though..
___________________
bakit mo akong sinasaktan kung sabi mo mahal mo ako?
ano pa kailangan mo?
Binigay ko sayo yung buong puso ko?
Kulang pa ba yan?
ano pang gusto mo? buong buhay ko?
3:48 PM
Sunday, January 29, 2006
a test that failed... many times over... just proving it all over again..
if your heart could see the truth in me, you would be filled with remorse
4:43 PM
a test that failed... many times over... just proving it all over again..
if your heart could see the truth in me, you would be filled with remorse
4:43 PM
Saturday, January 28, 2006
I didn't realize this but if I was really determined in my past and stuck to one goal, I could probably be somebody by now. With that said, I just found out that one of my closest friends in the phil has recorded is own cd! I knew this guy would go places and now it has been proven. God I miss those days, days of the voltes 5 of sta. lucia, days at the beach, days jet skiing, days in baguio!, days at the carnival, days at the club just swimming and eating, days when 5 families bonded and had the greatest time together. Sleepovers, freak outs with ouija boards (which I did not partake in), chillin at tara's house, dinners, tagaytay. We did it all! and now we're all separated. Glad to know that one of us has achieved success!! .... best of luck GELO!
and here's a review:
Galaxy Records presents the Philippines’ first New Age artist of this generation. Angelo Ortiz, a 21-year-old instrumental pianist, took his classical training from such schools as the Trebel Piano Studio, Yamaha Music Studio, Greenhills Music Studio and at University of the Philippines Extension Program for piano. The numerous recitals he joined frequently featured him as the finale.
In 2002, Angelo decided to play professionally, getting regular gigs at The Podium and Cravings Katipunan, as well as at the opening of the newly refurbished SM Makati.
Inspired by the music of Jim Chapell, Jim Brickman, Yanni and David Lanz, Angelo recorded his debut entitled SERENITY.
The album contains pieces that range from the slow haunting melody of “Dawn” to the sexy, romantic serenade of “Endearment”. The album also contains the poignant “Once upon a Love”, the uplifting and light “A New Hope” and “Tears in the Ocean”, which is a tribute to the victims of the recent tsunami disaster in 11 Asian countries.
The prolific pianist now adds “New Age Christmas Bliss” to his body of works. The album is a collection of classic Christmas melodies all arranged by Angelo. Elegantly rendered carols like “Christmas Song” and “Angels We Have Heard on High” is sure to inspire Christmas spirit in everyone.
- taken from www.yehey.com
10:40 PM
I didn't realize this but if I was really determined in my past and stuck to one goal, I could probably be somebody by now. With that said, I just found out that one of my closest friends in the phil has recorded is own cd! I knew this guy would go places and now it has been proven. God I miss those days, days of the voltes 5 of sta. lucia, days at the beach, days jet skiing, days in baguio!, days at the carnival, days at the club just swimming and eating, days when 5 families bonded and had the greatest time together. Sleepovers, freak outs with ouija boards (which I did not partake in), chillin at tara's house, dinners, tagaytay. We did it all! and now we're all separated. Glad to know that one of us has achieved success!! .... best of luck GELO!
and here's a review:
Galaxy Records presents the Philippines’ first New Age artist of this generation. Angelo Ortiz, a 21-year-old instrumental pianist, took his classical training from such schools as the Trebel Piano Studio, Yamaha Music Studio, Greenhills Music Studio and at University of the Philippines Extension Program for piano. The numerous recitals he joined frequently featured him as the finale.
In 2002, Angelo decided to play professionally, getting regular gigs at The Podium and Cravings Katipunan, as well as at the opening of the newly refurbished SM Makati.
Inspired by the music of Jim Chapell, Jim Brickman, Yanni and David Lanz, Angelo recorded his debut entitled SERENITY.
The album contains pieces that range from the slow haunting melody of “Dawn” to the sexy, romantic serenade of “Endearment”. The album also contains the poignant “Once upon a Love”, the uplifting and light “A New Hope” and “Tears in the Ocean”, which is a tribute to the victims of the recent tsunami disaster in 11 Asian countries.
The prolific pianist now adds “New Age Christmas Bliss” to his body of works. The album is a collection of classic Christmas melodies all arranged by Angelo. Elegantly rendered carols like “Christmas Song” and “Angels We Have Heard on High” is sure to inspire Christmas spirit in everyone.
- taken from www.yehey.com
10:40 PM
I've never really seen the value that I have placed on my closest friends until now. To finally know the truth and to get the honesty that i have received in recent days is more than I can ever be thankful for. To some extent, you guys have saved my life. Saved me from the possible pain that I will have to endure and saved me from this bliss that I have grown comfortable to. To know that I have such a great support group is amazing because I know whatever I have to endure, I don't have to endure it alone. And for that I thank you. For saving me from myself, from a dream, and bringing me back to reality and who i really am.
________________
so now I am given a deadline too, and if this deadline is not met, the stakes are EXTREMELY high!! stupid little brother.. can't have even one sentimental moment.
________________
5:50 PM
Friday, January 27, 2006
Recently, I've been thinking about what pain is. When you get stung, your skin tightens up and you scream OUCH! but what triggers that? When you get pinched, your skin is tightened once again and you know you feel pain. But how do we know that's pain? isn't it just your body reacting to certain movements? Is there a way to block it? Forget that its pain and pretend its not there?? What about emotional pain, there's nothing really there to hurt, how do we know its pain? I still don't know, but what I know is that there is no pain greater than what I feel right now. A pain that, sadly, will never go away.
____________________
jo:
I need a constant reminder. Remind me of who I am and what I am. Remind me of my values, my goals, my aspirations. Remind me because its so easy for me to forget.
9:01 AM
Recently, I've been thinking about what pain is. When you get stung, your skin tightens up and you scream OUCH! but what triggers that? When you get pinched, your skin is tightened once again and you know you feel pain. But how do we know that's pain? isn't it just your body reacting to certain movements? Is there a way to block it? Forget that its pain and pretend its not there?? What about emotional pain, there's nothing really there to hurt, how do we know its pain? I still don't know, but what I know is that there is no pain greater than what I feel right now. A pain that, sadly, will never go away.
____________________
jo:
I need a constant reminder. Remind me of who I am and what I am. Remind me of my values, my goals, my aspirations. Remind me because its so easy for me to forget.
9:01 AM
Thursday, January 26, 2006
wow, on my trip to kitchener, my head was opened to a lot of things. Just little things that really caught my eye. At the station, at like 5:00, i saw this muslim guy. He went to the corner, took off his jacket and placed it on the floor. He was wearing all white and he pulled out this white sheet. He placed it on top of his jacket and knelt down to pray. Yes, i know it may be a completely different religion, but i don't think I have ever seen any Christian publicly declare their faith like that. Everyone was staring at him but he didn't care, he went to do his duty. That dedicaiton, that faithfulness, just shows that He really lives for his faith. Sadly, I don't see that kind of faith with us. Is that what we have to do to make a difference??
ON the bus, I saw this other guy. I was humbled because he sat on the chair next to me. Put his heavy bag on the seat next to him. Then he pulled out a cassete player and started listening while reading. I thought, I haven't seen a cassette player in soo Long and here we are all striving with our ipods. I don't know, he seemed content and pleased. The question popped whether it is better to be content with what you have to to continue to strive for more knowing that there is no way to get everything? I know i may be hypocritical as I fall into the trap of all these things as well. But can't help but get you thinking.
I've been talking to some people lately about God will grant you a relationship when you realize that all you need is God's love. Is it possible for it to work backwards? like when you have a relationship, and neglect God's love to is fullest, does God try to tell you something? That's the way I feel. i feel like im sort of living a lie. Like although Im not doing it to the fullest, I feel like im compromising who I am. Changing slowly. Can't doubt the feelings I have, but can i do it the other way? Am I being taken for granted? I guess, drifiting away from God, God shows little signs that makes you realize what your actually doing. I need to get back on track and get my old life back. Right some wrongs and return to being who I am, Aivory.
After all this time, it still hurts. Amazing, but it does. Like a part of me was just taken away. Should I just let it go?
_________________
need to take a step back and learn what Im really getting myself into...
2:38 PM
wow, on my trip to kitchener, my head was opened to a lot of things. Just little things that really caught my eye. At the station, at like 5:00, i saw this muslim guy. He went to the corner, took off his jacket and placed it on the floor. He was wearing all white and he pulled out this white sheet. He placed it on top of his jacket and knelt down to pray. Yes, i know it may be a completely different religion, but i don't think I have ever seen any Christian publicly declare their faith like that. Everyone was staring at him but he didn't care, he went to do his duty. That dedicaiton, that faithfulness, just shows that He really lives for his faith. Sadly, I don't see that kind of faith with us. Is that what we have to do to make a difference??
ON the bus, I saw this other guy. I was humbled because he sat on the chair next to me. Put his heavy bag on the seat next to him. Then he pulled out a cassete player and started listening while reading. I thought, I haven't seen a cassette player in soo Long and here we are all striving with our ipods. I don't know, he seemed content and pleased. The question popped whether it is better to be content with what you have to to continue to strive for more knowing that there is no way to get everything? I know i may be hypocritical as I fall into the trap of all these things as well. But can't help but get you thinking.
I've been talking to some people lately about God will grant you a relationship when you realize that all you need is God's love. Is it possible for it to work backwards? like when you have a relationship, and neglect God's love to is fullest, does God try to tell you something? That's the way I feel. i feel like im sort of living a lie. Like although Im not doing it to the fullest, I feel like im compromising who I am. Changing slowly. Can't doubt the feelings I have, but can i do it the other way? Am I being taken for granted? I guess, drifiting away from God, God shows little signs that makes you realize what your actually doing. I need to get back on track and get my old life back. Right some wrongs and return to being who I am, Aivory.
After all this time, it still hurts. Amazing, but it does. Like a part of me was just taken away. Should I just let it go?
_________________
need to take a step back and learn what Im really getting myself into...
2:38 PM
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
cleaning up my room, i encountered some things that put my mind into a frenzy of memories, of how things used to be. I was plunged into a pool full of regret and remorse over things I could've done differently or things I could've handled better. Yeah life is good now, freedom in university and what not. Relationships are good and I have someone who loves and cares for me deeply allowing me to feel a love I've never experienced before. Yet there was once this satisfaction that came from a different kind of care. I guess I just miss that fulfillment. That encouragement, inspiration, motivation, and spiritual growth that I was able to get. Iano, nothing I can do about it now I guess. Nothing.
Some verses that just mean a lot to me:
Philippians 4:8
- Finally, brothers, what is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworth- think about such things.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
- Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres.
Ephesians 5:1-2
- Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
Matthew 11:28
- Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.
______________________
the remains of my car:
10:50 PM
cleaning up my room, i encountered some things that put my mind into a frenzy of memories, of how things used to be. I was plunged into a pool full of regret and remorse over things I could've done differently or things I could've handled better. Yeah life is good now, freedom in university and what not. Relationships are good and I have someone who loves and cares for me deeply allowing me to feel a love I've never experienced before. Yet there was once this satisfaction that came from a different kind of care. I guess I just miss that fulfillment. That encouragement, inspiration, motivation, and spiritual growth that I was able to get. Iano, nothing I can do about it now I guess. Nothing.
Some verses that just mean a lot to me:
Philippians 4:8
- Finally, brothers, what is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworth- think about such things.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
- Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres.
Ephesians 5:1-2
- Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
Matthew 11:28
- Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.
______________________
the remains of my car:
10:50 PM
Monday, January 09, 2006
so once again we begin this life of SCHOOL!! school has started and there's no turning back until APRIL 29! today was the first day in a long time that I actually went to all my classes!! my new year's resolution: don't skip any class, at least for the month of January. Also, don't fall asleep in astronomy although its pointless and boring anyways. Neeta and I were so lost since we both hadn't been to the class since the midterm! and yet we were proven right again, the class is so stupid.. anyways.. business was okay. Fun to see everyone again! Jenny my dear, the good times shall begin again when we stress over BUS20!!! great to hear everyone's stories too.. hehehe... omg.. saw my politics mark! GAH!!! GAH GAH GAH!!! TRES HORIBLE!! i really gotta get my act together. I think the mark was so bad that i had a huge scowl on my face to the point where mike. t had to ask if i was okay... GAH! anyways... came back to my rez to... (drumroll....) STUDY!! i made notes on (bigger drumroll....) ASTRONOMY!!! proud yes?? lol... classics was even worse than before..this is going to be a long year.
____________
thanks hun for coming up. I seriously couldn't have made it through the night if you weren't here. Thanks for the support and the love especially when I needed it the most. Forever grateful for everything.
____________
dad's visit will be extended. Still in shock over what happened. Everytime I think about it, I would just sit quietly and stare in awe over what happened and more importantly what didn't happen. My parents are precious, and I feel so bad for ever taking them for granted.
7:30 PM
so once again we begin this life of SCHOOL!! school has started and there's no turning back until APRIL 29! today was the first day in a long time that I actually went to all my classes!! my new year's resolution: don't skip any class, at least for the month of January. Also, don't fall asleep in astronomy although its pointless and boring anyways. Neeta and I were so lost since we both hadn't been to the class since the midterm! and yet we were proven right again, the class is so stupid.. anyways.. business was okay. Fun to see everyone again! Jenny my dear, the good times shall begin again when we stress over BUS20!!! great to hear everyone's stories too.. hehehe... omg.. saw my politics mark! GAH!!! GAH GAH GAH!!! TRES HORIBLE!! i really gotta get my act together. I think the mark was so bad that i had a huge scowl on my face to the point where mike. t had to ask if i was okay... GAH! anyways... came back to my rez to... (drumroll....) STUDY!! i made notes on (bigger drumroll....) ASTRONOMY!!! proud yes?? lol... classics was even worse than before..this is going to be a long year.
____________
thanks hun for coming up. I seriously couldn't have made it through the night if you weren't here. Thanks for the support and the love especially when I needed it the most. Forever grateful for everything.
____________
dad's visit will be extended. Still in shock over what happened. Everytime I think about it, I would just sit quietly and stare in awe over what happened and more importantly what didn't happen. My parents are precious, and I feel so bad for ever taking them for granted.
7:30 PM
Sunday, January 08, 2006
O Death, where is your sting? (1 Cor. 15:55)
nothing short of a miracle.. only now do i realize God's power to control situations... I am truly thankful for all He has given me. He has shown that He does have the power to give and to take away at any instant... Life is short.. cherish it..
10:57 PM
O Death, where is your sting? (1 Cor. 15:55)
nothing short of a miracle.. only now do i realize God's power to control situations... I am truly thankful for all He has given me. He has shown that He does have the power to give and to take away at any instant... Life is short.. cherish it..
10:57 PM
Saturday, January 07, 2006
how did my emotions change over the past week? Why am I feeling like this? I should'nt be.. I shouldn't be. but why!!
everytime my age has a 9 in it, my mom always tells me to be careful. 9 is never a good number for my family. When my dad turned 49, we got into a car accident. something always happens. I have a feeling that this is a life changing year for me. Already I feel it. Every night, when i pray, i struggle. I struggle with offering my life to the Lord. Everytime I say it, i know i don't mean it fully and its really hard inside me. To offer everything, even the things I love the most up to the Lord. It almost hurts because I know that the words I'm saying, im not fulfilling yet. I feel like I'm almost lying because i know i want it to happen but its not. Is this normal?
Good times with friends in the past couple days. finally able to go out by my parents but even yet, i feel like im given the evil eye every time i leave the door. Oh well, Western tomorrow. Hope things will change again.. I will work hard... if anyone catches me skipping class again... SHOOT ME!
9:50 AM
how did my emotions change over the past week? Why am I feeling like this? I should'nt be.. I shouldn't be. but why!!
everytime my age has a 9 in it, my mom always tells me to be careful. 9 is never a good number for my family. When my dad turned 49, we got into a car accident. something always happens. I have a feeling that this is a life changing year for me. Already I feel it. Every night, when i pray, i struggle. I struggle with offering my life to the Lord. Everytime I say it, i know i don't mean it fully and its really hard inside me. To offer everything, even the things I love the most up to the Lord. It almost hurts because I know that the words I'm saying, im not fulfilling yet. I feel like I'm almost lying because i know i want it to happen but its not. Is this normal?
Good times with friends in the past couple days. finally able to go out by my parents but even yet, i feel like im given the evil eye every time i leave the door. Oh well, Western tomorrow. Hope things will change again.. I will work hard... if anyone catches me skipping class again... SHOOT ME!
9:50 AM
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
11:15 AM
11:15 AM
Monday, January 02, 2006
James 4:13-17
Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins.
what a good message by Charles Price to start the new year. What is our life? it is practically meaningless if we live it on our own. This past year, was a good year and bad year for me. I feel like i have drifted a lot from God ever since University started. No longer was I in the safehouse of PCA where they would keep us accountable. No longer did I have Miss Ng to make sure I was on the right track and no longer did i have the weekely chapels to keep me on a spiritual high. I was on my own, often missing fellowship to go home and see my mom. I get so tired from practice and studying that i barely have enough energy to maintain my quiet time. I tried to live my life on my own since it was my first time on my own. But what is that life? life without meaning? wake up, breakfast, school, study, sleep, wake up, breakfast, school, study, sleep. Too monotonous and if i continue to live my life that way, my life would mean nothing. But my life, if dedicated to God is worth a million times more. This year, i vow to refocus my life so that everything I do revolves around Him. Make my life more meaningful, more than a mist that appears. My life is a mist from a fountain and Jesus is the source of that fountain. Bringing my life back to the source will grant my life meaning.
_________________________
started the year off great... had a normal, uneventful, no fighting or shouting start with my family. went to church, went to lunch. Then i spent the rest of the day with dan, watching a movie, boba tea, and lounging around before dinner at baton rouge. It was a relaxing and peaceful start to the year hopefully projecting a good year this year?? Hopefully that's the case.
_________________________
New year's Resolution:
- refocus my life to God
- respect my parents a little more
- maintain friendships from the past and present
- drink more water, less pop
- learn how to cook more
- not be lazy in skating!
- win OUA's!
- keep AEO status...
surprisingly, all these are REALLY hard to do! especially the not be lazy in skating one! AIYEE!!! wish me luck
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!
9:30 AM
James 4:13-17
Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins.
what a good message by Charles Price to start the new year. What is our life? it is practically meaningless if we live it on our own. This past year, was a good year and bad year for me. I feel like i have drifted a lot from God ever since University started. No longer was I in the safehouse of PCA where they would keep us accountable. No longer did I have Miss Ng to make sure I was on the right track and no longer did i have the weekely chapels to keep me on a spiritual high. I was on my own, often missing fellowship to go home and see my mom. I get so tired from practice and studying that i barely have enough energy to maintain my quiet time. I tried to live my life on my own since it was my first time on my own. But what is that life? life without meaning? wake up, breakfast, school, study, sleep, wake up, breakfast, school, study, sleep. Too monotonous and if i continue to live my life that way, my life would mean nothing. But my life, if dedicated to God is worth a million times more. This year, i vow to refocus my life so that everything I do revolves around Him. Make my life more meaningful, more than a mist that appears. My life is a mist from a fountain and Jesus is the source of that fountain. Bringing my life back to the source will grant my life meaning.
_________________________
started the year off great... had a normal, uneventful, no fighting or shouting start with my family. went to church, went to lunch. Then i spent the rest of the day with dan, watching a movie, boba tea, and lounging around before dinner at baton rouge. It was a relaxing and peaceful start to the year hopefully projecting a good year this year?? Hopefully that's the case.
_________________________
New year's Resolution:
- refocus my life to God
- respect my parents a little more
- maintain friendships from the past and present
- drink more water, less pop
- learn how to cook more
- not be lazy in skating!
- win OUA's!
- keep AEO status...
surprisingly, all these are REALLY hard to do! especially the not be lazy in skating one! AIYEE!!! wish me luck
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!
9:30 AM