Tuesday, February 28, 2006
so I have been sick since OUA's. I guess sitting in the cold rink for 2 days straight is not a good idea especially since you didn't get any sleep whatsover the two nights before that. EEEK! that plus freezing cold ice cream will do wonders to your throat, i.e. kill it. Anyways, it hurts to talk and cough but im getting better. I took antibiotics, every tylenol in huge doses, neo citrans, gargled with salt water, drank no cold water, rested but it still hurt soo much. Today, i tried a different form of therapy. Meeting friends and shopping. and my throat actually feels SOOO much better. Weird eh??? so very very weird. anyways.... is wearing a gown to a wedding too much?? i need opinions...
i miss the club.. i really do. Its weird to walk in after a long time and to see how everyone changed. Patty and Brit i've seen so that wasn't so drastic but MATTHEW HAWLEY! boy, i missed out on 5 inches of his life! he's almost as tall as me and has a deep voice! UNRECOGNIZABLE! wow... the wonders of puberty. Anyways, many boosts to my self-esteem lately, not sure if its a good thing but still boosts. I guess its good.
Leave it up to Michael Kors to cheer a girl up. LOL!
7:43 PM
Sunday, February 26, 2006
so us varsity figure skaters had an amazing weekend!!! at OUA held in Brock!!
im going to try to minimize the excitement but it may be hard. First event on friday was my pairs number with Alyssa! and that was purely amazing!!! we had such a great time, we laughed throughout the whole program, and WE WON!!! 1st place on the 1st event!!! what a great way to start it off although it went on a decline after that. me and Alyssa were beaming all day!!! anyways.. the rest of the day was weird. we got ripped off on so many events. BUT, my solo was the last event of the day and I was the last skater for the event meaning I closed the entire day. and I WON!!!! I started the day and closed the day off with two golds! YAY!!! so i had a great great day. anyways, the banquet food was awesome and the next day wasn't bad either. we ended up getting first in SYNCHRO too!! and honestly I have never been that excited in my life!!! :D:D first in all three of my events... its a miracle! muahaha.... that's all i can do, ,an evil laugh.. MUAHAHAHA!!! at least im still okay in skating when school sucks for me... oh well. . after reading week this week, there's only a month and a week left of school... kinda scared but i know that i can pull up the marks... hopefully..
anyways... going back to sleep and Im not waking up till i have to.
9:52 AM
Thursday, February 16, 2006
To know that there is something no one should see
To feel the secret that should never be
To own but not to have or to have but not own
An unanswered subject, yet always been known
Pain that equals happiness, reply your share--
Don't leave me here waiting, if nothing will be there
Realizing the truth with a very tragic theme;
Regrets only lingers since I'd fallen for thee
Favors given or ignored with every stolen moments
Dragging me deeper as well as my resentment
Stay away, I must stay strong...I don't want any grief
Must stay firm as ever for there is no relief
Do we have the same rhythm? Or the same beat?
Are you also struggling or melting in this heat?
If not, then I must wake up form this imprisoning dream
Joy must not be lost without you glittering beam........
12:12 PM
kilala mo ba pa ako? anong iniisip ko, anong ginagawa ko? hindi na yata.
10:49 AM
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
i love my bus20 group! its so intense! It's like we're attacking the case and each other but at the same time dominating the entire scene! and the things said are sometimes so bizarre but it actually makes sense. I fear we may have too much information to jot down on one report alone. hehehe... but we seriously are the best team, no doubt!
fatima called us aeos with the most appropriate metaphor: the ivey masterbators! LOL... we try to be them so much its so sad!
anyways, jenny, if your reading this, I would just like to let you know that you really hurt my feelings today. I have shown so much love yet you managed to break my heart!!! boohooo... and to think, I waited when I could've left! there is a permanent flexible wall between us from now on. And I will never forget to bring my ipod! LOL... your the tool..
11:40 PM
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
i want to relive those moments in the past that have made me so happy. Those vicious comments, those snarly bodily defiencies that have been made fun of oh so many times, the late nights calls and wake up calls, the coincidental run ins and not so coincidental plans. But especially those times where I was called beautiful and to know that they came from the heart. Ups and downs, highs and lows, I hope fate plays in and brings back the destiny that was meant to be fulfilled. Im just to chicken to initiate anything at this point. But i know it all comes back down to my ultimate decision. Just hope that it is realized that i would still do anything to keep it alive. To bring it all back again.
Valentines Day here in London. Surrounded by love-sick couples in my suite alone. Red Roses everywhere including my room which have to be delivered in a few hours. Love is in the air. But why am i still lonely? Im not supposed to be, not now anyways. Its one of those rare occasions where you have a valentine but can't do anything about it. It sucks. it really does.
Why do I constantly struggle??? I struggle in everything now! seems like nothing is really going my way. Everything is slipping from my fingers and it feels like Im not doing anything to prevent that from happening. This void, this emptiness, continues to haunt me even after all this time. Its like, im caught between doing something or just letting it go. but i don't want to let go. Sometimes its the only thing that's keeping me sane, keeping my hope alive.
I fear that I may one day become Julia Mcnamara, never satisfied, always wanting more. I live a life of fear, fear of regret, fear of failure, fear of damnation but what am i doing to conquer those? nothing. I continue to live in fear masked by happiness and joy. I don't make rational decisions for fear of regret if I make the wrong one. I yearn to move on, to let go but i fear that what I choose to do is not the right path. I know i should learn from my mistakes and what not, but I don't want to make mistakes. I hate mistakes. Im a perfectionist and making mistakes just doesn't not make me feel well. i have never really been this conflicted in my entire life. Im not one to think, not one to think deep anyways. I simply can't do it, can't handle it. But it seems like all i've been doing now is think. Think of where I am and what Im not. Where am I going with this.. whatever, sometimes I just need a vent. I guess I've just been challenged in so mnay different ways that I don't even know what my opinions are anymore. My own thoughts have been influenced by others to do a certain thing or act a certain way.
Focus, focus, focus. Don't throw your life away.
3:21 AM
Thursday, February 09, 2006
so I have had a very fun yet very unproductive week. But I guess I can say, it was a much needed relaxed break. Last week was intense! i didn't get more than 30 hours of sleep the entire week because i was cramming for astronomy (which is my own fault I realize). On top of that I had my bus exam on saturday, semi on saturday, and the ryerson competition on sunday!!! so not sleeping all week before friday, barely sleeping friday night, waking up early to study, coming home at 12 after semi, waking up at 4 am for a fire alarm, leaving at 6 am, skating at 10, arriving at 7 was an exhausting weekend.
anyways.. this week has been full of nip tuck episodes, insane pigging out sessions, and times of extreme stupidity. I have never felt more inadequate or stupid. First, to have my resume dissed by Nick was bad. To be called a four year old who "likes to look at pictures to get to know people better" is not cool. To say that the Economist is about the economy and economical trends is not cool. To wake up incompetent at 6am, slip on stairs, and slide all the way down is not cool. To be made fun of by your coach saying "when people wake up, generally their eyes are open" isn't cool. To walk to the library later in the day and trip and fall on your knees just makes the day worse. So yes, I have had quite the week. To top it off, to have your entire committee stare at you because you don't know who David Suzuki is is pretty pathetic!!! lol... A great great week oh yes...
anyways.. T.O this weekend! get to drive! YAY!!!!
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did you know that hindus don't celebrate valentines day??
10:21 PM
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
- Philippians 4:6-7
So next time we say "Don't Worry", remember don't worry coz Christ does all the worrying for you so you will experience peace.
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"Lord, grant me the peace to get through this month knowing full well that you are by my side"
7:01 PM
