..Serenity..

2007-03-26T09:13:00.000-04:00

wow, what an eye opener. what a weekend. i really need to stop doing things just for credit and do them in the eyes of God instead knowing that he knows what went into things and He will appreciate it. I need to stop looking for recognition. and I need to stop relying on the people who i thought i could depend on.

haha, thanks mike and kayce! :)

2007-03-19T22:09:00.000-04:00

im no longer special to the world. im not a unique person. I don't stand out. i don't feel like anyone cares significantly about me anymore. what am i now?

2007-03-14T20:17:00.000-04:00

let's revive this! after 3/4 of a year of non blogging, i have to say i do miss it! broadcasting to the world what i do everyday was sorta fun! although posts will now be more mature and meaningful. haha, maybe not.

Im feeling very emo lately. Just a surreal feeling of overwhelming burdens that i feel i have to take care of but i don't know where to start. Just too much to think about, too much to endure and too much to do is enough to drive me insane! Plus this side thought of learning how to trust. I really don't know how to trust anymore. It's been shattered once and i'm finding it hard to just let go. weird.... trusting GOD seems like an impossible task.

anyways, welcome back blog!

2006-08-05T23:15:00.000-04:00

If we could open a new world
And let the old one close
If you could be someone else
But you under new clothes.

And we could let it all go
And pretend we're falling in love again
And I won't have to know
That it is you because it won't be will it?

You can ask me what you want
The way you used to
And I won't bottle anything up
Cause I won't know you.

And you can open even more parts of me
That you haven't yet.
And all the stuff we had before,
We can finally forget.

This is the only thing I can think to do
If only I can re-create
Another you.

If only I can pretend that you were someone else
And save myself from danger
Only you can guess.

Find me in the other place
And you be someone else.

I need you somehow somewhere.
Release me from myself.

2006-07-26T18:05:00.000-04:00

RELOCATED!!

2006-07-23T18:08:00.000-04:00

exuberant : filled with or characterized by a lively energy or excitement
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I am happy.

2006-07-09T22:26:00.000-04:00

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

2006-06-29T14:56:00.000-04:00

I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection.
Excellence, I can reach for;
Perfection, is God's business.
Michael J. Fox
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The weather is dismal. Its the kind of weather where you just want to curl up in your bed with a good book and hot chocolate. And that my friends is exactly what I am going to do tonight.

2006-06-25T18:41:00.000-04:00

iPad!! Hilarious!!!

2006-06-18T17:33:00.000-04:00

i feel like im losing the one that I love most. over what? my inhibited consciousness? my overwhelming insecuredness that i can't seem to get over? getting my life back is a lot harder than i could ever imagine and its taking a toll on me and him. sometimes i feel like we can't even recover. then what? is it over? all that... over? i refuse to accept it.. but sometimes reality hits me like a punch in the face. and the truth of the matter is, i don't think im ready for it. even though it will inevitably happen.

2006-06-16T16:22:00.000-04:00

jodi (my boss): i don't understand why [insert name] is on tv. honestly? i don't understand why they put ugly people on tv!

later...
jodi: honestly, the world would be so much better if they just let me run it!

LOL!!!

2006-06-15T16:06:00.000-04:00

so this is what im doing at work!!!

we're making gift bags for the residents at the prestigious SOHO MET hotel downtown! so all these people get black gifts bags with "conceirgeandthecity" on them. Inside are the hottest things including:

- restylane (the new botox)
- 4 luxury magazines (that we got for free, one with Wentworth Miller on the cover)
- plastic surgeon's cd
- lip balm
- a flower vase
- a week membership to diesel fitness
- personal training sessions
- chocolate dipped spoon for a catering service
- a dog leash for a dog walking service
- one week free cleaning services
- spiritual wellness centre fortune cookie
- membership to luxury tranportation like yachts, limos and planes

and tons of other cool stuff!!!

although back breaking work with the stuffing and decorating, this is going to be the biggest thing ever! PLus, we're riding into the SOHO with 2 stretch navigator limos and 2 male models to walk the bags in during the busiest time of the day. HOW HOT IS THAT!!! LOL...

and we didn't have to spend a dime. Instead we're getting money for it! this is cool :D

2006-06-13T11:38:00.000-04:00

i think im addicted to coffee.. 11:30 am and already two cups. I've gone pee like 5 times in the past two hours! but I LOVE IT!! doesn't help that everyone around me loves it too.

i love my work now! its fun! definitley a field that I want to get into someday.

2006-06-11T17:58:00.000-04:00

Funny how God works. i pray for serenity, i pray for inner peace. Instead of praying for my personal happiness, I pray for those around me. And He could not make it clearer. My life is getting stronger, and i feel my confidence returning. I smile, I laugh and I enjoy my friends just like I used to. New and old. Only one thing hindering me but this is the one thing that is hardest to let go. And those that I did choose to let go, somehow manage to come back to me.
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I know I can't ask for much, but just to hear your voice brings me back to life.

2006-06-09T22:08:00.000-04:00

I got this from my cousin melody:

[X] I know how to make a pot of coffee
[X] I do my own laundry
[X] I can cook for myself
[ ] I do my chores after being told once
[ ] I always do my homework/work
[X] I actually enjoy intellectual conversations
[X] I think politics are exciting
[ ] My parents and grand-parents have better things to say than my peers

total: 5

[ ] I show up for school/work every day unless I'm sick
[X] I always carry a pen in my pocket/purse
[x] I've never gotten a ticket
[ ] I watch talk shows and point out the incredibility of it all
[ ] I know what incredibility means without looking it up
[ ] I drink black coffee

total: 2

[ ] I know how to run the dish washer..and/or do the dishes
[x] I can count in more than one language
[ ] When I say I'm going to do something, I do it.
[ ] I mow the lawn
[ ] I wash my car
[ ] I can make adults laugh..without being stupid
[ ] I remember to water my plants (once a week)
[ ] I study when I have to
[ ] I pay attention at school/work
[ ] I remember to feed my pets
[X] I'm generally organized
[ ] I know the meaning of cruel punishment from experience

total: 2

[X] I can spell experience without looking at the line above
[X] I clean up my own messes
[x] The first thing I do when I wake up is get coffee
[ ] I can go to the store with out getting something I don't need
[ ] I understand jokes the first time they are said
[X] I listen to my parents/elders
[X] I can type fast, because I type every day

total: 5

[X] My choice in clothing is acceptable in an office or something like that
[ ] I can watch politics and laugh
[X] I have realized that the weather forecast changes every hour
[x] I can look at someone hot and not think of sex
[ ] I have realized that no one will take you seriously unless you are over the age of 25 and have a job
[X] I can read a book and actually finish it
[X] People have said that I act older than I am
[ ] I can be sent on an errand and not get side tracked

total: 5

Count up your 'x's, count up your marks, and then post "I act like I'm __."

Total X's: 20

I act like I'm 20. CLose enough!

2006-06-09T13:26:00.000-04:00

Suddenly its so hard. Just hard. an unyielding relationship reinforced by sand, not solid ground. A luminous time ahead is not within perspective.
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sorry but this definitely made my day:
Miss Ng: You're a Stinker!

2006-06-09T12:04:00.000-04:00

now this made my day

I HAVENT TALKED TO U FOR SO LONG AND U NEVER TELL ME ANYTHING SO THATS WHY I AM SO LOST WITH WHATEVER IS GOING ON WITH UUUUUUUUUUUUU =P=P=P hahah ok i feel better now :D

ah bun bun. You make me laugh.....

2006-06-07T09:36:00.000-04:00

i am weak. i am challenged. i am torn. and I don't know what to do or what I can do but to seek God's strength now.

for a mere second, I caught a glimpse of what my life would be down a different path. and it was amiable. a path with value, principle, and trust. The three things that I am deficient of. Honesty and sincerity rather than deception and doubt. Makes me really question the candor of my current state.

tomorrow is one year. not exactly the appropriate time to be holding back. and it is much harder than I could ever have imagined.
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- all it takes is a killer hand -

2006-06-04T19:56:00.000-04:00

United Airlines deserves to be bankrupt
custome service stinks, considerations are not taken and the planes suck. Enough said.

Didn't realize how much colder Toronto is compared to Cancun. Didn't realize it was that hot until I came home!! LOL.. but oh how it's good to be home. I can hear my bed calling my name already.

oh tracy.. I love you and your analogies. I will try to choose the "best" house but right now, its really hard. I'm tempted, I'm challenged. Only time will tell I guess.

2006-06-03T11:57:00.000-04:00

so my "grisly" vacation has come to a close. Surprisingly it wasn't as bad as i imagined it to be. The weather was gorgeously scalding and humid resulting in a decent tan (bear in mind, i am naturally fair so any tan is acceptable). The water was clear and the resort wasn't that bad. Actually, I had quite a pleasant time minus the annoying uncles and aunts. Quality time was spent with my parents and I was able to spend a lot of time alone, gazing at the beach just thinking/sunbathing/reading. I found out a lot more about my family and I realized that they can be interesting because they all backstab each other and secretly hate each other. Watching as a spectator is quite amusing and it did make the days go by faster. My cellphone has offered me peace as I was able to proceed through the day with much ease knowing that there were people anxious for my return. naw, just kidding. But knowing that there was always someone i could rant to did help. I did manage to accomplish one of my life goals, and that is to be able to wear a bikini for the whole day without embarassment! LOL... so some highlights from this so called vacation:

swimming with dolphins!
snorkeling in a cenote cave, seeing gorgeous and colourful fish
finally being able to bargain better than the adults
unlimited drinks!!
water water EVERYWHERE!
sea trek! walking on the sea bottom

so Cancun, as much to my surprise, I'm gonna miss you!

2006-05-29T23:10:00.000-04:00

its ironic that I have found my solace through other means other than you.

2006-05-28T22:28:00.000-04:00

Just had to take time out from my horrendous vacation to do this:

hApPy BdAy

to the best sister in the world: JOCELYN!!!

for 6 and a half years of one of the bestest and truest friendships i've ever had. You've been there for me THROUGH IT ALL!! you know what i go through and you know how i think. Ours is one of the few friendships i've had where distance doesn't matter. Time doesn't matter. All that matters is that i know your always there for me. I hope your having the BESTEST time in TAIWAN! and dear lord. YOUR LEGAL! who knows what escapades will occur to us while we're legal this year! craziness is bound to increase! I LOVE YOU!

2006-05-27T15:41:00.000-04:00

so i hit the fork in the road. The crossroads of my current life. Which path should I take? the favoured road although brand new? or the experienced road of frustration and "love"? with both i smile but the emotions are no longer the same. What does my heart tell me to do?

Im trying with no avail. No response. Surprisingly, i truly am letting go. Letting go of my insecurities, letting go of the protective nature that I have come to develop. I simply do not care as much as I used to knowing that my words have no affect anyways. The decision is becoming easier and easier by the day and if something doesn't change, im afraid of what the end result may be.
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- the world tends to unfold as it should -

2006-05-25T16:23:00.000-04:00

a brief hiatus for 8 days as I bask in the southern sun and lie in exasperation about this horrendous trip and the predicted frustrations that lie ahead.. can anyone come up with a legit excuse for me to stay in TORONTO? (that my parents will buy that is)
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behind every great love is a great story
what's ours?

2006-05-24T22:06:00.000-04:00

now that I think about it, the past does shape who you are. Your experiences, your aspirations and your failures. Those mold you to become who you are. At work today, i spent a little time reading things that I have received from the past. From way back. Little instances that I have forgotten and for a brief moment, I remembered what I felt way back when. Remembered how I spoke, how I wrote, what I felt. 'Twas nice! very different from who I have become and in some cases i am grateful that I was able to overcome obstacles and achieve what I have. Its hard to let go of the past, yes I know. But sometimes, venturing into your past isn't that bad.

2006-05-23T22:56:00.000-04:00

is a smile through illegitimate means still considered a smile?

Its so refreshing to talk to people who know my culture and know my background well enough to understand what I go through. Reconnecting with your roots can actually be fun and to speak to someone who can see it through your eyes is definitely something I enjoy. It makes me proud to be filchi.
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You are anti everything I ever hoped for. So why do I care so much?

2006-05-22T15:40:00.000-04:00

even though we're over it, even though I've forgiven, the thought is still enough to bring me tears.

and its a thought that, sadly, will linger on forever...
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...And just like that, a smile is brought to my face again...

2006-05-18T09:57:00.000-04:00

To be brave is to love someone
unconditionally,
without expecting anything in return.
To just give,
that takes courage
because we don't want tofall
on our faces or leave ourselves open to hurt.
Madonna

2006-05-17T01:11:00.000-04:00

I'm tired.

Tired of all this. Tired of pleasing people and not pleasing me. That's my downfall isn't it? That's what you told me once. That I'm a people pleaser and you said that scared you. Well, now it scares me too.

It's gotten to a point where I am not allowed to pursue the things I want but I am forced to do the things I hate. Seriously, Im going to be burnt out at the end of the summer. I'm forcing myself to do things I don't enjoy. Forced to play something I don't enjoy and obviously don't have a talent for. Forced to partake in a sport that I have clearly been discouraged at for how many years now? And yet they insist on spending that money on something I don't enjoy.

Tired, weary, drained, exhausted. Im just sick of everything right now. I'm sick of keeping my emotions in and giving up myself just so that others are happy. I'm sick of enduring accusations and not doing anything about it. I'm sick of putting up with what other people tell me to do and keeping silent while not being able to ask people to do things for me. It's almost as if anyone can ask me to do anything and I'll make an effort to get it done but when I ask someone to do something for me, I'm pushed aside and left to fend for myself

those who say they care for me the most are the ones that leave me hanging. Those who care for me the most can ask me to do anything. Those who care for me the most expect me to be perfect. Well I'm not. I'm human, I am capable of making mistakes

The way I see it, I'm paying for all my mistakes. Suffering the consequences of all my actions that I have done without thinking. Even petty mistakes I pay for. Its hard for people to forgive me when i make a mistake. Well you know what? Im suffering. I live in torment. I've suffered the hearbreak. I've suffered the pain. I've cried my tears. I've broken down, I've paid my dues. I know I made mistakes in the past, and I will still make them but I'm tired of always being the one who has done something wrong.

I am expected to be perfect. It seems like I am constantly letting people down. Letting them control a part of me. Allowing me to let a part of me go down with them. Slowly, Im losing my mind. And I don't even realize it.

So here are my final apologies *anonymously* :

We were best friends but I let that go. I let you down. I hid things from you and I was not honest with you. I'm sorry for jeopardizing the friendship. Im sorry for taking you for granted. I'm sorry for expecting too much from you. I expected you to always be there for me and when i didn't have your support, I turned my back. I let you down and for that I'm sorry. I know you still don't trust me whole heartedly now and sometimes think that our friensship was a sham but know this, for how long it lasted, we had the best friendship I could have asked for

We're family you and I. We spent many days together and at one point, i was the only person you could trust. Then i left you and neglected you. Literally. I ditched you for others and somehow I always thought that you were always the little guy that would always be there. You grew up. And I missed it. You craved someone to talk to, who would listen to you as you went through life's struggles. And I wasn't there for you. I wasn't there when you needed me the most. You cried out for me and I didn't listen. I'm sorry. I let you down and I've learned my lesson. I promise to always be there for you from now on.

the most turbulent relationship was between us. The extreme highs and the extreme lows. At one point, I thought we conquered it all. But we didn't. Who knew this would be the worst. I hurt you. i lied to you. I destroyed the friendship and destroyed the trust. You expected things from me and I didnt fulfill. I took you for granted and didn't realize the value of your friendship until it was gone. Gone for good. I cried the most for you and paid the consequences. I don't know what else I can do but say my final sorry. I hope one day you will find it in your heart to forgive me just like you did once before.

and to you. Possibly the best thing that has happened in my life. You brought me joy when I needed it. You brought me laughter. Brought me support. Through my troubled times, you were there for me. You let me experience something I have never experienced before. A love worth living for. During the days when I am so down, you always manage to bring a smile to my face. Everything I could possibly hope for I got from you and I know that this is real. There have been many times where I made you doubt. Made you question. Made you worry. I know I ask for too much sometimes but you always manage to fulfill them. You've hurt me but you've also loved me. Given most of you to me. You complete what I was missing and for that I am forever grateful. My love, my soulmate, my heart. It pains me when you are upset. Im sorry for making you wait. Im sorry for making you worry. Im constantly irresponsible and Im sorry for not thinking before I act. I'm never going to ask anything from you because I'm giving all of me to you. I am capable of forgiving but I never forget. I've been hurt, but I let it go. Now Im asking you to do the same. For my small, petty mistake. i love you

2006-05-16T11:35:00.000-04:00

swimming, bowling, hot pot, poker = FUN!!!

whee! last night was GREAT!! must do it more often...

missing veeTEE though.. booo....

No work today. Does anyone need lifestyle management??

2006-05-14T23:37:00.000-04:00

the feel of steel brushing through my fingers
the silent yet powerful slide representing class and glamour
the explosion of a commnique announcing its presence
the sleek and sophisticated armour protecting its core
the crisp canvas displaying reality

living in denial until now that you are truly gone. Once a part of my life, you will be sorely missed.

Goodbye, my nokia 8800. May you be at peace wherever you are.

2006-05-14T16:00:00.000-04:00

A daughter is a mother's gender partner, her closest ally in the family confederacy, an extension of her self. And mothers are their daughters' role model, their biological and emotional road map, the arbiter of all their relationships.Victoria Secunda
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Mother's Day. A day to embrace moms for who they are and what they give to this world out of nothing but love. A day to remind ourselves why we are in this world in the first place and how we became who we are. Mothers, no question are the ones that grow more fond of their children. Something I seem to have forgotten lately is how frail my mother could really be and how much she actually gave me. All i've thought about is how she's annoying, naggy, and unreasonable forgetting that everything she does is for me. She's given me everything I could ever ask for and more but yet I still stick with my stubborn head and one sided perspective. I act for self-preservation and self-fulfillment never asking about what is best for her. I am thankful for such a great person that I can proudly call my mom. We have this unbreakable bond that not all mother-daughters have. We're the same mind essentially, but i guess I have strayed from that. I take my mom for granted and its sad that I need day like Mother's day to remember how vast my mom's love really is.
I love you MOM!!

2006-05-07T20:54:00.000-04:00

I feel like i have a contrite heart of guilt. Burdened by mistakes I have made, decisions I have chosen, actions that I have committed without throughly analyzing the situation. But I think its time for me to move on from things that just hurt me more if I continue to linger in its thoughts. So this is to all the mistakes that I have tried to amend: Im sorry and I'm letting it go.
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on a better note, things are looking up again! you have been amazing and there's nothing else I can ask for. We overcame odds, encountered the best and worst situations and endured 11 months of ups and downs and frankly, it has been the best 11 months of my life. ILAYO

2006-05-05T00:19:00.000-04:00

Summer is the time when one sheds one's tensions with one's clothes, and the right kind of day is jeweled balm for the battered spirit. A few of those days and you can become drunk with the belief that all's right with the world.
Ada Louise Huxtable
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...it was a blessing to be able to celebrate your 19th with you...
through joys, laughter, pain and sorrow, i will be here for you...

2006-04-26T09:54:00.000-04:00

well, 3/5 exams.. one later today and one on saturday. Although I vowed to devote so much time to studying, unfortunately that is not the case seeing as I don't know how to study and I love procrastinating, always have! hehehe.. but exams seem to be going okay and if i screw up next year, i always have next year to redeem myself. Anyways... the reason Im posting is because of this. Im studying Ancient Roman and came across Early Christians. Some startling points were made and really made me ponder. In the Roman Empire, Christians were considered nuisances and even persecuted by beasts. Apparently they were a threat to society. But the thing is, many aspects of the practice of Christianity itself seemed to be 'borrowed' from other beliefs.

Like:
- After life: cults of Issus and Dionysus also had this
- Asceticism: live a plain and humble life was also practiced by Stoics
- Monotheism: most cults practiced this so Christianity wasn't special
- Cosmpolitanism: anyone could be a Christian, but then anyone could be come a Stoic

plus:
- in the cult of Serapis, the god was ritually killed in the autumn and rose again after 3 days
- in the cult of Mithras, the god is born in a cave on Dec. 25 and visited by a shepherd
- participants of this cult took bread and wine..

reading this, i recalled my cousin telling me that Dec. 25 itself was not the birth of Jesus but rather Winter Solstice which is confirmed by my studies in Astronomy. Da Vinci Code tells me that most of our practices are derived from pagan worship and even the Sabbath is on SUNday. I was disturbed and distraught this morning. So I called my dad.

My dad listened as I told him what I found out. And he was said this. It doesn't matter how we practice or what we do to worship, it all comes down to the Bible. Anytime you read something like this, compare it to the Bible. We partake in the bread and wine because it symbolizes Christ. God told us to do it so we will. It might have been a ritual in those days but because Christ did it, so we will do. It doesn't matter what we do, but it ultimately comes down to the fact that Christ died FOR us, and rose again. We have salvation from it. Everything else doesn't matter. Plain and Simple. I love it. it all comes down to faith
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if there was a tree with a lot of lemons, you'd be the biggest lemon

2006-04-16T13:39:00.000-04:00

a reminder of what we are celebrating today and how much it actually means.. please read
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Clean Blood

The day is over, you are driving home. You tune in your radio. You hear a little blurb about a little village in India where some villagers have died suddenly, strangely, of a flu that has never been seen before. It's not influenza, but three or four fellows are dead, and it's kind of interesting. They're sending some doctors over there to investigate it.

You don't think much about it, but on Sunday, coming home from church, you hear another radio spot. Only they say it's not three villagers, it's 30,000 villagers in the back hills of this particular area of India, and it's on TV that night. CNN runs a little blurb; people are heading there from the disease center in Atlanta because this disease strain has never been seen before. By Monday morning when you getup, it's the lead story. For it's not just India; it's Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iran, and before you know it, you're hearing this story everywhere and they have coined it now as "the mystery flu".

The President has made some comment that he and everyone are praying and hoping that all will go well over there. But everyone is wondering, "How are we going to contain it?" That's when the President of France makes an announcement that shocks Europe. He is closing their borders. No flights from India, Pakistan, or any of the countries where this thing has been seen.

That night you are watching a little bit of CNN before going to bed. Your jaw hits your chest when a weeping woman is translated from a French news program into English "There's a man lying in a hospital in Paris dying of the mystery flu. "It has come to Europe. Panic strikes.

As best they can tell, once you get it, you have it for a week and you don't know it. Then you have four days of unbelievable symptoms. Then you die. Britain closes it's borders, but it's too late. South Hampton, Liverpool, North Hampton, and it's Tuesday morning when the President of the United States makes the following announcement:

"Due to a national security risk,all flights to and from Europe and Asia have been canceled. If your loved ones are overseas, I'm sorry. They cannot come back until we find a cure for this thing."

Within four days our nation has been plunged into an unbelievable fear. People are selling little masks for your face. People are talking about what if it comes to this country, and preachers on Tuesday are saying, "It's the scourge of God."

It's Wednesday night and you are at a church prayer meeting when somebody runs in from the parking lot and says, "Turn on a radio, turn on a radio." While the church listens to a little transistor radio with a microphone stuck up to it, the announcement is made," Two women are lying in a Long Island hospital dying from the mystery flu."

Within hours it seems, this thing just sweeps across the country. People are working around the clock, trying to find an antidote. Nothing is working. California, Oregon, Arizona, Florida, Massachusetts. It's as though it's just sweeping in from the borders.

Then, all of a sudden the news comes out. The code has been broken. A cure can be found. A vaccine can be made. It's going to take the blood of somebody who hasn't been infected, and so, sure enough, all through the Midwest, through all those channels of emergency broadcasting, everyone is asked to do one simple thing.

"Go to your downtown hospital and have your blood type taken. That's all we ask of you. When you hear the sirens go off in your neighborhood, please make your way quickly, quietly, and safely to the hospitals."

Sure enough, when you and your family get down there late on that Friday night, there is a long line, and they've got nurses and doctors coming out and pricking fingers and taking blood and putting labels on it.

Your wife and your kids are out there, and they take your blood type and they say, "Wait here in the parking lot and if we call your name, you can be dismissed and go home. "You stand around scared with your neighbors, wondering what in the world is going on, and if this is the end of the world. Suddenly a young man comes running out of the hospital screaming. He's yelling a name and waving a clipboard. What? He yells it again! And your son tugs on your jacket and says, "Daddy, that's me."

Before you know it, they have grabbed your boy. "Wait a minute, hold it!" And they say, "It's okay, his blood is clean. His blood is pure. We want to make sure he doesn't have the disease. We think he has the right type."

Five tense minutes later, out come the doctors and nurses, crying and hugging one another. Some are even laughing. It's the first time you have seen anybody laugh in a week, and an old doctor walks up to you and says, "Thank you, sir. Your son's blood type is perfect. It's clean, it's pure, and we can make the vaccine. We can save the world."

As the word begins to spread all across that parking lot full of folks, people are screaming and praying and laughing and crying. But then the gray-haired doctor pulls you and your wife aside and says, "May we see you for a moment? We didn't realize that the donor would be a minor and we need we need you to sign a consent form."

You begin to sign and then you see that the number of pints of blood to be taken is blank. "H-h-h-how many pints?" And that is when the old doctor's smile fades and he says, "We had no idea it would be a little child. We weren't prepared. We need it all!"

"But but..."

"You don't understand. We are talking about the world here. Please sign. We - we need it all - we need it all!"

"But can't you give him a transfusion?"

"If we had clean blood we would. Can you sign? Would you sign?"

In numb silence, you do. Then they say, "Would you like to have a moment with him before we begin?"

Can you walk back? Can you walk back to that room where he sits on a table saying, "Daddy? Mommy? What's going on?"

Can you take his hands and say, "Son, your mommy and I love you, and we would never ever let anything happen to you that didn't just have to be. Do you understand that?"

And when that old doctor comes back in and says, "I'm sorry, we've - we've got to get started. People all over the world are dying," Can you leave?

Can you walk out while he is saying, "Dad? Mom? Why - why have you forsaken me?"

And then next week, when they have the ceremony to honor your son, and some folks sleep through it, and some folks don't even come because they go to the lake, and some folks come with a pretentious smile and just pretend to care. Would you want to jump up and say,

"MY SON DIED! DON'T YOU CARE?"

Is that what God is saying?

"MY SON DIED. DON'T YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I CARE?"

Father, seeing it from your eyes breaks our hearts. Maybe now we begin to comprehend the great love you have for us.

Amen

2006-04-16T13:32:00.000-04:00

Just to remind us that butterflies are truly God's daily inspiration for us....
________________________________
Courage and Love Of A Butterfly
by David L. Kuzminski

Walking down a path through some woods in Georgia , I saw a water puddle ahead on the path.
I angled my direction to go around it on the part of the path that wasn't covered by water and mud. As I reached the puddle, I was suddenly attacked!

Yet I did nothing for the attack was so unpredictable and from a source so totally unexpected.

I was startled as well as unhurt, despite having been struck four or five times already. I backed up a foot and my attacker stopped attacking me. Instead of attacking more, he hovered in the air on graceful
butterfly wings in front of me. Had I been hurt I wouldn't have found it amusing, but I was unhurt, it was funny, and I was laughing. After all, I was being attacked by a butterfly!

Having stopped laughing, I took a step forward. My attacker rushed me again.

He rammed me in the chest with his head and body, striking me over and over again with all his might, still to no avail.

For a second time, I retreated a step while my attacker relented in his attack. Yet again, I tried moving forward. My attacker charged me again. I was rammed in the chest over and over again. I wasn't sure what to do, other than to retreat a third time. After all, it's just not everyday that one is attacked by a
butterfly. This time, though, I stepped back several paces to look the situation over. My attacker moved back as well to land on the ground. That's when I discovered why my attacker was charging me only moments earlier. He had a mate and she was dying. She was beside the puddle where he landed. Sitting close beside her, he opened and closed his wings as if to fan her. I could only admire the love and courage of that butterfly in his concern for his mate. He had taken it upon himself to attack me for his mate's sake, even though she was clearly dying and I was so large. He did so just to give her those
extra few precious moments of life, should I have been careless enough to step on her.

Now I knew why and what he was fighting for. There was really only one option left for me. I carefully made my way around the puddle to the other side of the path, though it was only inches wide and
extremely muddy. His courage in attacking something thousands of times larger and heavier than himself just for his mate's safety justified it. I couldn't do anything other than reward him by walking on the more difficult side of the puddle. He had truly earned those moments to be with her, undisturbed. left them in peace for those last few moments, cleaning the mud from my boots when I later reached my car.

Since then, I've always tried to remember the courage of that butterfly whenever I see huge obstacles facing me. I use that butterfly's courage as an inspiration and to remind myself that good things are worth fighting for.

2006-04-11T23:50:00.000-04:00

Rapid heart beat, pounding heart or palpitations
Sweating
Shaking visibly or inside
Choking sensations or lump in throat
Smothering or shortness of breath sensations
Chest pain or discomfort
Nausea, bloating, indigestion or abdominal discomfort
Dizziness or unsteadiness
Feeling light-headed
Derealisation (feeling unreal or dreamy)
Depersonalisation (feeling outside yourself or like you don't exist)
Fear of losing control or going crazy
Paresthesias (numbness or tingling sensations) in face, extremities or body
Chills or hot flushes
Skin losing colour
Blushing or skin blotches

having 14/16 of the symptoms above can't be good
these feelings are KILLING me!!! im having an anxiety attack and it actually really hurts. My head kills, my heart doesn't stop beating. i feel really nervous about something yet I don't know what it is. I hate this time of the year. it always happens around this time.

2006-04-08T22:52:00.000-04:00

what a blissful and relaxing weekend. Everything fell into plan and it was so great to spend the tenth that way. Just the enjoyment of each other's company with no stress and no problems felt so good. It's been a long time since we've had that and it was just fabulous. thanks for a great weekend hun.. wouldn't have had it any other way.
________________________________

10 months and still we don't run out of things to say to each other

2006-04-06T15:04:00.001-04:00

what shocking news..I thought he had much longer but he didn't. You were once the most hated person in my life but I got over that. You caused me a lot of grief but I got over that. How is it possible that someone who caused me so much grief can actually make me cry again 4 years later? I don't even have a photo with you. I was once your superstar, but that's all gone and your gone too. I still refuse to accept it.

RIP Paul Wirtz. and I'm Sorry
is it too late to say goodbye?

2006-04-05T13:08:00.000-04:00

The best site ever created about western!

overheard at western

2006-04-05T12:26:00.000-04:00

and so the ever fulfilling case competition has now come to a close. Gone are the joyous times at Perth Hall with the random quotes of nonsense and procrastination. Gone are the days of endless memorization of speeches and thorough understanding of the case it self. No more days of Joel St. Marseille and Skadurz Pro. Skadurz Pro, you have become a sentimental company that will hold a place in my heart forever. If ever I go to Sudbury, you will be the first stop. Through this experience, we have really come to learn how to work in a group. It is challenging. more challenging than ever because of clashes of ideas and ego. But in the end, we pulled through and we know that we are first in our hearts. So to Mr. Tang, Miss Xu, Mr. Saya, Mr. Agha, and Mr. Santoro, I would like to say "That inch made all the difference!!!"

Go Team 18!!!

some pictures to accompany that random blurt:

with the dean of Ivey, Joel St. Marseille and Mr. Robert Keyes
team 18 looking cool
bowling as a celebration
the girls of team 18
and the guys
_______________________________________________

Now I would like to do what some others are doing and swear of msn/blogging/cyberstalking/facebooking/24ing/prisonbreaking/dc++ing..and say I would like to just focus on studying. But honestly, who can resist Jack Bauer and Michael Scofield. Like Honestly, they should do a duo where Jack Bauer goes to help Michael Scofield and release Lincoln Burrows from prison only to find that they are all trapped in a conspiracy planned by PHILIPPINES to kidnap Burrows in hopes to target the Vice President's attention and gain more money for the ever corrupted country! now that would be a show.
________________________________________________

"The art of living does not consist in preserving and clinging to a particular mood of happiness, but in allowing happiness to change its form without being disappointed by the change; for happiness, like a child, must be allowed to grow up." Charles Langbridge Morgan

2006-04-03T03:20:00.000-04:00

Ahh Case Competition. Team 18 is freaking amazing. We have made it to the desired final round. However, we are in turmoil. Why? because for some reason, we can't see to get a long. right when it matters the most. So much frustration. So much anger. So much selfish glory desired for what? So much cockiness. So much pride. Why can't we just get along? We're all frustrated, but in the end, we need to work together to win. I just don't get it. With all this rage, there's only one thing that can possibly calm me down. God.

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 2:13-14

____________________________

on another note:
I have defintely slacked off this year. Slacked off too much and now i am feeling the effects. The stress to catch up, to study and potentially come up to my previous standard. Its hard work, but i need to do it. Because I have continued to tell myself that when push comes to shove and the work actually matters, I can pull through. I just need to see that happen now. My laziness can actually be a sin now that i realize it. Im not working to my full potential. My full potential that God has granted me with. I've taken the privilege of attending university for granted. I've taken the fact that I have a good life for granted. I don't work as hard as I can and for that I have paid with the fact that i am no good in one thing. I could have been great. My slothfulness and my negligence to do my work as a student is a sin. A sin. Because I am not working for God.

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men. Colossians 3:23

___________________________

as the year comes to a close I will reflect on the one thing that has made me feel somewhat successful this year. Skating. Surprisingly, the one thing that I thought I hated. the one thing that i wanted to give up so many times. The one I have pained and cried over oh so many times, is the one thing that has brought me joy this year. To be on top again. To have that feeling once again. Its a thrill that I miss and have come to enjoy. The reason I have done anything well in my life is because of that thrill and skating has once again brought me that. With this in mind, I will quote Kim M. when she says "the possiblities are endless" I've never really thought of that as true until now. There's so many things I can do and want to do and I just need to narrow the choices down. Expand my horizons. The future is bright if I wish it to be.

Reflections on Varsity Figure Skating:

2006-03-24T16:17:00.000-05:00

Today was an amazing day because I came back from Toronto and I bump into Tracy. I was so happy becuase Tracy is so cool, she actually made my day. But then I was sad again because she has to go to class. I was so depress for the next three hours becuase Tracy was in class so I stayed in my room and look at pictures of Tracy with her boyfriend, Jon.... and then we felt so hungry so we decided to cook for Tracy and watch "Hero" - hoping Tracy will come back to me like my hero and she can have food to eat, MUAHAHAHAHHAH~ and you know what!? SHE DID! She came back at 1:30 right after her class, eat mac and cheese and watch TV with me. Right before I was about to fall into my deep deep dddddddeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep depression of sleep. I was so happy again but my sleepiness was so strong that eventually took my conciousness away... Tracy then, woke me up at 2:00pm and I was so excited to see her! (Yay!) I had a great afternoon with Tracy because she came into my room and we had a great time chating (with Nick dropped by)!!!

Tonight is going to be a great night because Tracy is coming to ACF and help for prep!!! This is definitly the most amazing day in my life! =D

.... written by Tracy

2006-03-24T15:38:00.000-05:00

The crazy duo who in their own way make my life complete: Jocelyn and Patrick

ahh! gotta love em!! and patty, I better see that LONG at the Olympics!
__________________

Gotta love nights of inside jokes, memories, long car rides and ice cream!! Can't go wrong with that!

2006-03-21T22:34:00.000-05:00

This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is it vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished, as the once vital voice of the verisimilitude now venerates what they once vilified. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin van-guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose vis-à-vis an introduction, and so it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V.

SIIICCCCK!!!!!!

cheerio

2006-03-15T16:04:00.000-05:00

I feel like I'm just doing useless waiting that affects nobody but me.

stuck without any movement

2006-03-15T13:21:00.000-05:00

So I find out today that both my Classics Final and my Sociology Final are CUMULATIVE!!! Meaning ALL YEAR!!!
plus Business is like that too to some extent..

need to do some crazzzy studying.. although not right now.. okay maybe now. NAW!!!

its sad because right now, there's nothing even to procrastinate for...

2006-03-14T17:51:00.000-05:00

I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do. ~Edward Everett Hale

now what can I do to change the world??

maybe I shall start with myself....change everything a begin a new. First step: make amends with people I have hurt.

2006-03-14T10:23:00.000-05:00

Jack Bauer Quotes!!!
... to start your day with a laugh

- If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
- If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".
- Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
- If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's frickin beef
- Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.
- Jack Bauer once killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.
- In the 18 months where Jack Bauer was presumed dead, Tony Almeida was put in a coma, Michelle and David Palmer were killed, a major hurricane raveged the Gulf Coast, and Rob Schneider made another movie. See what happens when Bauer isn't around?
- What color is Jack Bauer's blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.
- Jack Bauer removed the "Escape" button from his keyboard. Jack Bauer never needs to escape.
- Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.
- When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
- Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

2006-03-13T22:12:00.000-05:00

RIP TONY ALMEIDA
you did good

I don't think I can handle mondays anymore.. Prisonbreak then 24??? so much suspense it may make me have a heart attack..Too much dying, too much pain, too much sadness...

I officially declare mondays as my sad days... don't mess with me as i mope around from 8 till 10. If you call me anytime during these hours, you may hear tears...

tony, may you rest in peace with your wife....

2006-03-10T17:43:00.000-05:00

after an intense week of project after project and sleepless nights.. i am actually BORED!!!

so as an act of desperation, I have decided to clean my entire suite! LOL... living room vacummed, closet vacummed, room vacummed and organized, suite swiffered, kitchen sink dusted and cleaned, trash thrown out... I've never been more productive in my life!!!

so should I got to the caisa fashion show or to the year end varsity skating party???

im actually quite excited for the athletic banquet!!!

2006-03-09T22:47:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday Muffin Man
thanks for everything throughout the years...

2006-03-09T21:58:00.000-05:00

so at the final meeting of the 79.9, I have found out what it truly means...

aeo = 80% cutoff? so 79.9 means DOOOOOM!

muahahaha... who knew we could be so jokes...

initimidating assignments but quite exciting too... so sad that its over though.. :(

back to polisci.. ALMOST DONE!!

2006-03-09T03:18:00.000-05:00

Thumbnails of the happiest time of my life

Why do i suddenly miss S.E.A.T soo much??
__________________
I wonder if you guys can still remember the smell of China, the emotions to be there and to leave, to embrace everything it had to teach us although we were there to teach. To remember what our purpose was to be there. I can't remember a time after that where I felt so loved by so many, and to feel truly blessed with what I have. Can you still remember after so long??

missing that gorgeous hawaiian breeze and the scent of the ocean....

2006-03-09T01:37:00.000-05:00

N: i did this work while you were sleeping
A: I wasn't sleeping!
N: okay fine, while you were contemplating life!!!

MUAHAHAHA!!! I have passed my sleeping point...

2006-03-08T17:46:00.000-05:00

It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word you can light up the dark
Try as I may I can never explain
What I hear when you don't say a thing

The smile on your face let's me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me wherever I fall
You say it best, when you say nothing at all

2006-03-08T02:52:00.000-05:00

you know what should die??? Astronomy should die!! NOW!!!

this project took up so much of my sleeping time.. that I am deprived of because of OB.. but that may be my fault since I procrastinated till 11.. Honestly.. if Jean Francois did not scare me to do it, I would've have still been slacking off.. YAY for Friends who care!! care enough to call every hour to make sure Im doing my work! honestly francois is awesome! LOL...

AEO MEETING tomorrow.. always always fun...although i will miss my daily OB meetings.. where am I going to be with our vagina parties??? (don't ask)

anyways.. astronomy, go shoot yourself.

_______________

9... all I can say is... WHOA! lol... although it may be nothing compared to the Great Jenny! but still..or to Juice or Ehsan's.. but STILL!

______________

i don't make sense.. i really don't. This is what astronomy does to you. Kill your brain.. okay i lied, My brain is already dead.

2006-03-07T09:04:00.000-05:00

OB is finally done!!! on the day its due! but whatever, our report is KICK ASS!! took a lot of ADD nights but wow.. it's really done!!!

although we did meet like everyday the week before reading week and spent two entire days from 2pm-2am at either UCC or weldon. Those were definitely not cool. OUr sense of humour gets soo bad during those late nights: Let's recap for my own pure enjoyment

Jenny: " OMG, this water is rectangular! why don't just fricking make it a sphere!"
Adamo: yes I wax my arms. Do you think I should get them waxed again?
Ehsan: no aivory, your teeth number!
Fatima: Just Joking

oh boy... there was just too many... next time we work together, im keeping a quote notebook.. LOL...

now to get on with the rest of my life, i.e. POLISCI!!!

2006-03-01T11:35:00.000-05:00

I cringe. I cringe at the thought of my OB report

~ That's just it, she's everything I'm not. You know, she's my other half. Without her I'm not whole. You know the thing about meeting your other half is you're walking around, you think you're happy, you think you're whole, then you realize you ain't shit without her. Then you can't go back to being just a half 'cause you know what it's like to be whole.

Just watched guess who and that line made me tear!! lol... yes yes.. only a sick loser like me can tear in a movie with ashton kutcher and bernie mac.. but im sick.. so cut me some slack! hehehehe....

time for my day of relaxation.. sorta.. okay maybe not.. just a manicure...

in the philippines (yes i havn't said that in a while), when you got sick, you were able to go to your doctor and ask them to inject your butt with some medication so that you would immediately heal. Whenver I had a fever, I went to him and he injected my butt and the next day i got all better! This sickness is soo weird. its like one day i have something and the next day i have something totally different! on Saturday, I had a fever, a really really high fever. Sunday I had stomach aches and headaches. Monday I had a terrible sore throat that I couldn't even swallow. Tuesday I had a horrible cough that wouldn't stop. And right now, I have a runny nose that won't stop! its not like it's consistent? It just keeps changing!!!

Is it true that the reason we have disease is because something in our body is not doing its proper function? or that I lost part of my soul that's why Im sick?? I've encountered so many theories about sickness in the past month. but where does it really come from? herm, i wonder.

yes this a no sense babble, but im sick. therefore i have no brain. and no brain means stupid. So im stupid. For now at least. How the heck am I supposed to do my OB report??

2006-02-28T19:43:00.001-05:00

so I have been sick since OUA's. I guess sitting in the cold rink for 2 days straight is not a good idea especially since you didn't get any sleep whatsover the two nights before that. EEEK! that plus freezing cold ice cream will do wonders to your throat, i.e. kill it. Anyways, it hurts to talk and cough but im getting better. I took antibiotics, every tylenol in huge doses, neo citrans, gargled with salt water, drank no cold water, rested but it still hurt soo much. Today, i tried a different form of therapy. Meeting friends and shopping. and my throat actually feels SOOO much better. Weird eh??? so very very weird. anyways.... is wearing a gown to a wedding too much?? i need opinions...

i miss the club.. i really do. Its weird to walk in after a long time and to see how everyone changed. Patty and Brit i've seen so that wasn't so drastic but MATTHEW HAWLEY! boy, i missed out on 5 inches of his life! he's almost as tall as me and has a deep voice! UNRECOGNIZABLE! wow... the wonders of puberty. Anyways, many boosts to my self-esteem lately, not sure if its a good thing but still boosts. I guess its good.

Leave it up to Michael Kors to cheer a girl up. LOL!

2006-02-26T09:52:00.000-05:00

so us varsity figure skaters had an amazing weekend!!! at OUA held in Brock!!

im going to try to minimize the excitement but it may be hard. First event on friday was my pairs number with Alyssa! and that was purely amazing!!! we had such a great time, we laughed throughout the whole program, and WE WON!!! 1st place on the 1st event!!! what a great way to start it off although it went on a decline after that. me and Alyssa were beaming all day!!! anyways.. the rest of the day was weird. we got ripped off on so many events. BUT, my solo was the last event of the day and I was the last skater for the event meaning I closed the entire day. and I WON!!!! I started the day and closed the day off with two golds! YAY!!! so i had a great great day. anyways, the banquet food was awesome and the next day wasn't bad either. we ended up getting first in SYNCHRO too!! and honestly I have never been that excited in my life!!! :D:D first in all three of my events... its a miracle! muahaha.... that's all i can do, ,an evil laugh.. MUAHAHAHA!!! at least im still okay in skating when school sucks for me... oh well. . after reading week this week, there's only a month and a week left of school... kinda scared but i know that i can pull up the marks... hopefully..

anyways... going back to sleep and Im not waking up till i have to.

2006-02-16T12:12:00.000-05:00

To know that there is something no one should see
To feel the secret that should never be
To own but not to have or to have but not own
An unanswered subject, yet always been known

Pain that equals happiness, reply your share--
Don't leave me here waiting, if nothing will be there
Realizing the truth with a very tragic theme;
Regrets only lingers since I'd fallen for thee

Favors given or ignored with every stolen moments
Dragging me deeper as well as my resentment
Stay away, I must stay strong...I don't want any grief
Must stay firm as ever for there is no relief

Do we have the same rhythm? Or the same beat?
Are you also struggling or melting in this heat?
If not, then I must wake up form this imprisoning dream
Joy must not be lost without you glittering beam........

2006-02-16T10:49:00.000-05:00

kilala mo ba pa ako? anong iniisip ko, anong ginagawa ko? hindi na yata.

2006-02-15T23:40:00.000-05:00

i love my bus20 group! its so intense! It's like we're attacking the case and each other but at the same time dominating the entire scene! and the things said are sometimes so bizarre but it actually makes sense. I fear we may have too much information to jot down on one report alone. hehehe... but we seriously are the best team, no doubt!

fatima called us aeos with the most appropriate metaphor: the ivey masterbators! LOL... we try to be them so much its so sad!

anyways, jenny, if your reading this, I would just like to let you know that you really hurt my feelings today. I have shown so much love yet you managed to break my heart!!! boohooo... and to think, I waited when I could've left! there is a permanent flexible wall between us from now on. And I will never forget to bring my ipod! LOL... your the tool..

2006-02-14T03:21:00.000-05:00

i want to relive those moments in the past that have made me so happy. Those vicious comments, those snarly bodily defiencies that have been made fun of oh so many times, the late nights calls and wake up calls, the coincidental run ins and not so coincidental plans. But especially those times where I was called beautiful and to know that they came from the heart. Ups and downs, highs and lows, I hope fate plays in and brings back the destiny that was meant to be fulfilled. Im just to chicken to initiate anything at this point. But i know it all comes back down to my ultimate decision. Just hope that it is realized that i would still do anything to keep it alive. To bring it all back again.

Valentines Day here in London. Surrounded by love-sick couples in my suite alone. Red Roses everywhere including my room which have to be delivered in a few hours. Love is in the air. But why am i still lonely? Im not supposed to be, not now anyways. Its one of those rare occasions where you have a valentine but can't do anything about it. It sucks. it really does.

Why do I constantly struggle??? I struggle in everything now! seems like nothing is really going my way. Everything is slipping from my fingers and it feels like Im not doing anything to prevent that from happening. This void, this emptiness, continues to haunt me even after all this time. Its like, im caught between doing something or just letting it go. but i don't want to let go. Sometimes its the only thing that's keeping me sane, keeping my hope alive.

I fear that I may one day become Julia Mcnamara, never satisfied, always wanting more. I live a life of fear, fear of regret, fear of failure, fear of damnation but what am i doing to conquer those? nothing. I continue to live in fear masked by happiness and joy. I don't make rational decisions for fear of regret if I make the wrong one. I yearn to move on, to let go but i fear that what I choose to do is not the right path. I know i should learn from my mistakes and what not, but I don't want to make mistakes. I hate mistakes. Im a perfectionist and making mistakes just doesn't not make me feel well. i have never really been this conflicted in my entire life. Im not one to think, not one to think deep anyways. I simply can't do it, can't handle it. But it seems like all i've been doing now is think. Think of where I am and what Im not. Where am I going with this.. whatever, sometimes I just need a vent. I guess I've just been challenged in so mnay different ways that I don't even know what my opinions are anymore. My own thoughts have been influenced by others to do a certain thing or act a certain way.

Focus, focus, focus. Don't throw your life away.

2006-02-09T22:21:00.001-05:00

so I have had a very fun yet very unproductive week. But I guess I can say, it was a much needed relaxed break. Last week was intense! i didn't get more than 30 hours of sleep the entire week because i was cramming for astronomy (which is my own fault I realize). On top of that I had my bus exam on saturday, semi on saturday, and the ryerson competition on sunday!!! so not sleeping all week before friday, barely sleeping friday night, waking up early to study, coming home at 12 after semi, waking up at 4 am for a fire alarm, leaving at 6 am, skating at 10, arriving at 7 was an exhausting weekend.

anyways.. this week has been full of nip tuck episodes, insane pigging out sessions, and times of extreme stupidity. I have never felt more inadequate or stupid. First, to have my resume dissed by Nick was bad. To be called a four year old who "likes to look at pictures to get to know people better" is not cool. To say that the Economist is about the economy and economical trends is not cool. To wake up incompetent at 6am, slip on stairs, and slide all the way down is not cool. To be made fun of by your coach saying "when people wake up, generally their eyes are open" isn't cool. To walk to the library later in the day and trip and fall on your knees just makes the day worse. So yes, I have had quite the week. To top it off, to have your entire committee stare at you because you don't know who David Suzuki is is pretty pathetic!!! lol... A great great week oh yes...

anyways.. T.O this weekend! get to drive! YAY!!!!

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did you know that hindus don't celebrate valentines day??

2006-02-02T19:01:00.000-05:00

Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
- Philippians 4:6-7

So next time we say "Don't Worry", remember don't worry coz Christ does all the worrying for you so you will experience peace.

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"Lord, grant me the peace to get through this month knowing full well that you are by my side"

2006-01-31T18:49:00.000-05:00

its easy to say the things you want to hear, its easy to smile and laugh and pretend everything is okay. Im good at that, smilng and laughing. But a wound is a wound. It hurts. And it will take time for me to say the things that I once said. My words have taken greater meaning and I will make sure I mean it with my entire heart before they are spoken again.

2006-01-30T15:48:00.000-05:00

I am strong willed
I can do anything I put my heart to
I have my values and I will protect them
Words alone will not be enough to make me defer from this
It takes more than that
the reason? I have a greater support system than I ever imagined
and these are the people who truly look out for me

over the course of time, time really reveals the truth

I remember words, ALL of them and I will never forget

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oh the irony of selling roses is enough to kill me! good times at UCC though..

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bakit mo akong sinasaktan kung sabi mo mahal mo ako?
ano pa kailangan mo?
Binigay ko sayo yung buong puso ko?
Kulang pa ba yan?
ano pang gusto mo? buong buhay ko?

2006-01-29T16:43:00.000-05:00

a test that failed... many times over... just proving it all over again..

if your heart could see the truth in me, you would be filled with remorse

2006-01-28T22:40:00.000-05:00

I didn't realize this but if I was really determined in my past and stuck to one goal, I could probably be somebody by now. With that said, I just found out that one of my closest friends in the phil has recorded is own cd! I knew this guy would go places and now it has been proven. God I miss those days, days of the voltes 5 of sta. lucia, days at the beach, days jet skiing, days in baguio!, days at the carnival, days at the club just swimming and eating, days when 5 families bonded and had the greatest time together. Sleepovers, freak outs with ouija boards (which I did not partake in), chillin at tara's house, dinners, tagaytay. We did it all! and now we're all separated. Glad to know that one of us has achieved success!! .... best of luck GELO!

and here's a review:

Galaxy Records presents the Philippines’ first New Age artist of this generation. Angelo Ortiz, a 21-year-old instrumental pianist, took his classical training from such schools as the Trebel Piano Studio, Yamaha Music Studio, Greenhills Music Studio and at University of the Philippines Extension Program for piano. The numerous recitals he joined frequently featured him as the finale.

In 2002, Angelo decided to play professionally, getting regular gigs at The Podium and Cravings Katipunan, as well as at the opening of the newly refurbished SM Makati.

Inspired by the music of Jim Chapell, Jim Brickman, Yanni and David Lanz, Angelo recorded his debut entitled SERENITY.

The album contains pieces that range from the slow haunting melody of “Dawn” to the sexy, romantic serenade of “Endearment”. The album also contains the poignant “Once upon a Love”, the uplifting and light “A New Hope” and “Tears in the Ocean”, which is a tribute to the victims of the recent tsunami disaster in 11 Asian countries.

The prolific pianist now adds “New Age Christmas Bliss” to his body of works. The album is a collection of classic Christmas melodies all arranged by Angelo. Elegantly rendered carols like “Christmas Song” and “Angels We Have Heard on High” is sure to inspire Christmas spirit in everyone.

- taken from www.yehey.com

2006-01-28T17:50:00.000-05:00

I've never really seen the value that I have placed on my closest friends until now. To finally know the truth and to get the honesty that i have received in recent days is more than I can ever be thankful for. To some extent, you guys have saved my life. Saved me from the possible pain that I will have to endure and saved me from this bliss that I have grown comfortable to. To know that I have such a great support group is amazing because I know whatever I have to endure, I don't have to endure it alone. And for that I thank you. For saving me from myself, from a dream, and bringing me back to reality and who i really am.

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so now I am given a deadline too, and if this deadline is not met, the stakes are EXTREMELY high!! stupid little brother.. can't have even one sentimental moment.

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2006-01-27T09:01:00.000-05:00

Recently, I've been thinking about what pain is. When you get stung, your skin tightens up and you scream OUCH! but what triggers that? When you get pinched, your skin is tightened once again and you know you feel pain. But how do we know that's pain? isn't it just your body reacting to certain movements? Is there a way to block it? Forget that its pain and pretend its not there?? What about emotional pain, there's nothing really there to hurt, how do we know its pain? I still don't know, but what I know is that there is no pain greater than what I feel right now. A pain that, sadly, will never go away.

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jo:
I need a constant reminder. Remind me of who I am and what I am. Remind me of my values, my goals, my aspirations. Remind me because its so easy for me to forget.

2006-01-26T14:38:00.000-05:00

wow, on my trip to kitchener, my head was opened to a lot of things. Just little things that really caught my eye. At the station, at like 5:00, i saw this muslim guy. He went to the corner, took off his jacket and placed it on the floor. He was wearing all white and he pulled out this white sheet. He placed it on top of his jacket and knelt down to pray. Yes, i know it may be a completely different religion, but i don't think I have ever seen any Christian publicly declare their faith like that. Everyone was staring at him but he didn't care, he went to do his duty. That dedicaiton, that faithfulness, just shows that He really lives for his faith. Sadly, I don't see that kind of faith with us. Is that what we have to do to make a difference??

ON the bus, I saw this other guy. I was humbled because he sat on the chair next to me. Put his heavy bag on the seat next to him. Then he pulled out a cassete player and started listening while reading. I thought, I haven't seen a cassette player in soo Long and here we are all striving with our ipods. I don't know, he seemed content and pleased. The question popped whether it is better to be content with what you have to to continue to strive for more knowing that there is no way to get everything? I know i may be hypocritical as I fall into the trap of all these things as well. But can't help but get you thinking.

I've been talking to some people lately about God will grant you a relationship when you realize that all you need is God's love. Is it possible for it to work backwards? like when you have a relationship, and neglect God's love to is fullest, does God try to tell you something? That's the way I feel. i feel like im sort of living a lie. Like although Im not doing it to the fullest, I feel like im compromising who I am. Changing slowly. Can't doubt the feelings I have, but can i do it the other way? Am I being taken for granted? I guess, drifiting away from God, God shows little signs that makes you realize what your actually doing. I need to get back on track and get my old life back. Right some wrongs and return to being who I am, Aivory.

After all this time, it still hurts. Amazing, but it does. Like a part of me was just taken away. Should I just let it go?
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need to take a step back and learn what Im really getting myself into...

2006-01-18T22:50:00.000-05:00

cleaning up my room, i encountered some things that put my mind into a frenzy of memories, of how things used to be. I was plunged into a pool full of regret and remorse over things I could've done differently or things I could've handled better. Yeah life is good now, freedom in university and what not. Relationships are good and I have someone who loves and cares for me deeply allowing me to feel a love I've never experienced before. Yet there was once this satisfaction that came from a different kind of care. I guess I just miss that fulfillment. That encouragement, inspiration, motivation, and spiritual growth that I was able to get. Iano, nothing I can do about it now I guess. Nothing.

Some verses that just mean a lot to me:

Philippians 4:8
- Finally, brothers, what is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworth- think about such things.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7
- Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres.

Ephesians 5:1-2
- Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

Matthew 11:28
- Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.

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the remains of my car:

2006-01-09T19:30:00.000-05:00

so once again we begin this life of SCHOOL!! school has started and there's no turning back until APRIL 29! today was the first day in a long time that I actually went to all my classes!! my new year's resolution: don't skip any class, at least for the month of January. Also, don't fall asleep in astronomy although its pointless and boring anyways. Neeta and I were so lost since we both hadn't been to the class since the midterm! and yet we were proven right again, the class is so stupid.. anyways.. business was okay. Fun to see everyone again! Jenny my dear, the good times shall begin again when we stress over BUS20!!! great to hear everyone's stories too.. hehehe... omg.. saw my politics mark! GAH!!! GAH GAH GAH!!! TRES HORIBLE!! i really gotta get my act together. I think the mark was so bad that i had a huge scowl on my face to the point where mike. t had to ask if i was okay... GAH! anyways... came back to my rez to... (drumroll....) STUDY!! i made notes on (bigger drumroll....) ASTRONOMY!!! proud yes?? lol... classics was even worse than before..this is going to be a long year.
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thanks hun for coming up. I seriously couldn't have made it through the night if you weren't here. Thanks for the support and the love especially when I needed it the most. Forever grateful for everything.
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dad's visit will be extended. Still in shock over what happened. Everytime I think about it, I would just sit quietly and stare in awe over what happened and more importantly what didn't happen. My parents are precious, and I feel so bad for ever taking them for granted.

2006-01-08T22:57:00.000-05:00

O Death, where is your sting? (1 Cor. 15:55)

nothing short of a miracle.. only now do i realize God's power to control situations... I am truly thankful for all He has given me. He has shown that He does have the power to give and to take away at any instant... Life is short.. cherish it..

2006-01-07T09:50:00.000-05:00

how did my emotions change over the past week? Why am I feeling like this? I should'nt be.. I shouldn't be. but why!!

everytime my age has a 9 in it, my mom always tells me to be careful. 9 is never a good number for my family. When my dad turned 49, we got into a car accident. something always happens. I have a feeling that this is a life changing year for me. Already I feel it. Every night, when i pray, i struggle. I struggle with offering my life to the Lord. Everytime I say it, i know i don't mean it fully and its really hard inside me. To offer everything, even the things I love the most up to the Lord. It almost hurts because I know that the words I'm saying, im not fulfilling yet. I feel like I'm almost lying because i know i want it to happen but its not. Is this normal?

Good times with friends in the past couple days. finally able to go out by my parents but even yet, i feel like im given the evil eye every time i leave the door. Oh well, Western tomorrow. Hope things will change again.. I will work hard... if anyone catches me skipping class again... SHOOT ME!

2006-01-03T11:15:00.000-05:00

2006-01-02T09:30:00.000-05:00

James 4:13-17
Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins.

what a good message by Charles Price to start the new year. What is our life? it is practically meaningless if we live it on our own. This past year, was a good year and bad year for me. I feel like i have drifted a lot from God ever since University started. No longer was I in the safehouse of PCA where they would keep us accountable. No longer did I have Miss Ng to make sure I was on the right track and no longer did i have the weekely chapels to keep me on a spiritual high. I was on my own, often missing fellowship to go home and see my mom. I get so tired from practice and studying that i barely have enough energy to maintain my quiet time. I tried to live my life on my own since it was my first time on my own. But what is that life? life without meaning? wake up, breakfast, school, study, sleep, wake up, breakfast, school, study, sleep. Too monotonous and if i continue to live my life that way, my life would mean nothing. But my life, if dedicated to God is worth a million times more. This year, i vow to refocus my life so that everything I do revolves around Him. Make my life more meaningful, more than a mist that appears. My life is a mist from a fountain and Jesus is the source of that fountain. Bringing my life back to the source will grant my life meaning.

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started the year off great... had a normal, uneventful, no fighting or shouting start with my family. went to church, went to lunch. Then i spent the rest of the day with dan, watching a movie, boba tea, and lounging around before dinner at baton rouge. It was a relaxing and peaceful start to the year hopefully projecting a good year this year?? Hopefully that's the case.

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New year's Resolution:
- refocus my life to God
- respect my parents a little more
- maintain friendships from the past and present
- drink more water, less pop
- learn how to cook more
- not be lazy in skating!
- win OUA's!
- keep AEO status...

surprisingly, all these are REALLY hard to do! especially the not be lazy in skating one! AIYEE!!! wish me luck

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!

2005-12-30T09:29:00.000-05:00

Lord, i don't care how much it hurts me.. just as long as he is happy...

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side note: falcon beach is at the same time as the OC! what is it trying to do!!!! my plan to follow this show has backfired as it has taken over the number one show on the planet!!!

2005-12-29T21:25:00.000-05:00

time for a huge blog that's a day overdue! hehehe

well, i had a fabulous time for on tuesday...just proves that if things are meant to be.. then everything would turn out alright..

it was a challenge planning this ski trip to blue mountain.. so many obstables to overcome and some that seemed impossible. But, it was a successful trip and honestly the highlight of my so far miserable holiday season. seriously, it has been nothing but stressful and prison like. whatever..

so, dan picked me up at 5am... took that long drive up to collingwood in the dark. Surprisingly, the conditions were amazing for driving, completely clear and not snowy. got there by 630 am! it was so pretty, the mountains were lighted but deserted.. it was gorgeous. We went to the westin to check in but found out that we couldn't check in till 3 pm. oh well, no big deal, we went to change into ski gear since the rentals opened at 8:00. hehehe.. walked around the deserted village.. took random pictures including pictures on top of snow banks, giant rocking chairs, and the mountain. Very very fun.. hehehe... meh... snowball fights were fun too!!! havn't done that in a while. once it hit 8, the place didn't open yet so we went to get breakfast. YUMMY....hehehe... so at 830, we went to rent our skis.. we were up front in line so it didn't take that long. bear in mind, i havn't skied since i was 7 so iw as a little scared.. but i didn't tell dan that.. LOL...

went up to the bunny hill first, thought i could handle it. Not bad not bad, went a little harder. was okay there too... then great, i was being brought up to the double diamond!!! EEEK! that was a disaster! LOL... I kept falling over and my skis kept coming off... eek! at one point, i completely gave up and walked down the hill.. LOL.. very embarassaing.. but whatever... hehehehe...

skied till like 12 ish until we both were tired and dan's wrist started to hurt. walked around the village for a while, so quaint.. I loved it.. hehehe.. i wanna get a cottage there one day. ben and jerry's wasn't that good though for some reason.. so okay. we thought that we might get to check in earlier than usual so we went at around 1 ish. They said the room would be available at around 230.. so we decided to wait in the warm fireplace lobby.. 230 came, the room wasn't done, 3:00!! came.. the room wasn't done.. 3:30 came! the room wasn't done.. boy was i frustrated.. i started spassing coz i wanted to sleep so badly!!! 4:00 came! the room wasn't done.. at this point i was almost yelling at the receptionist and i was near crying... dan calmed me down, told me to go for a walk. then the manager came out to talk to him coz i couldn't handle it.. and here shows dan's amazing sklls.. LOL!!! our room charge went from $279 a night to $200 a night!! plus!! we got a free unlimited dinner at OLIVER AND BONACINI! hahahaha!! amazing! dan asked for it and the manager came out and said "we would be very much obliged"!! hehehe...i even threated to leave at one point but we got that. plus we got free drinks at the bar too.. hehehe... sweet deal? i would say so. our room ended up being gorgeous! a suite.. definitely not good enough for just a night.... anyways... the dinner was sweet.. the bill ended up being like $150! hehehe.. we ordered the most expensive things too.. hehehe.. it was hilarious... and then when we asked for the bill, boy was it nice to hear "oh, the bill is already taken care of" hehehe... wish life was like that... all the time...so it was an enjoyable stay at the westin trillium after all...

checking out was sweet too... the manager came to see us when we left and then he gave us his card telling us to call him next time we wanted to stay at the westin.. HEHEHE... hilarious...oh.. and people though we were married... even calling dan Mr. Gaw! LOL.. hilarious hilarious hilarious!!! couldn't stop cracking up!

anyways, driving back wasn't as great coz it was really rainy. we ate at this quaint little place called the rock and roll diner which gave us HUGE servings!!! sooo freaking HUGE!!! the leftovers from both our plates were able to complete one normal meal! LOL... yeah.. so the only day of my holidays worth blogging about ended wayyy too fast...

meh, rough times afterwards but i know that the bigger picture is way stronger than little petty things...

thanks for a great weekend hun.. just shows that if things are meant to be, everything works out accordingly..

2005-12-20T09:09:00.000-05:00

i can finally enjoy t.o with no academic headaches on my mind!!!

had a great weekend... thanks hun for coming up.. LOL... randomly...

polisci screwed me over....

brain is officially on vacation!!!!

2005-12-13T14:34:00.000-05:00

other enjoyable times with my mom:

sitting around the dining table while im studying and she explores the world of fine dining (i.e. dipping havarti cheese in caramel dip! ) GROSS! lol...

2005-12-13T12:04:00.000-05:00

the best way to enjoy a cup of tim hortons steeped tea:

with your mom, competing with her to see who can lick the top of the lid the most.... with her licking my lid and me licking hers! GROSS! but funny! hehehehehehe...

good times good times..

2005-12-11T23:38:00.000-05:00

have i really not posted since queens??? man... im slacking off! im even procrastinating on bloggin!!! this has got to stop.. hehehe

so since queens, i've gotten a really bad soc. mark, gotten most of my marks, went to waterloo for a weekend, had a significant date in the year happen, got a sick experience at the figure skating challenge at the JLC, went to t.o and now im still in t.o.

hehehehe..

well, t.o is so much fun. I realized that i lost 10 pounds while i was in london, but i've been in t.o for 3 days now, and i gained 5!!!! i know the cause of weight gain now, my mom's cooking! and the fact that she placed yummy food in every single room in the apartment so whereever i am in the house, i have access to yummy food! and if im not satisfied, i just go across the street for the delicious steeped tea! bad bad bad, i can feel the pounds gaining on me this christmas season!!!

it was great going to pca again.. hehehe.. seeing everyone in PANTS!! hehehe.. and catching up with miss ng was cool too! an hour! hehehe.. talking about everything like good friends instead of student/teacher was awesome too!! i miss my mentor...

herm... good luck on exams people!!! ill probably post again after the 19th... :D...

2005-11-30T12:18:00.000-05:00

me and em at Queens!!!

2005-11-29T18:24:00.000-05:00

Queens last friday!!! OUA Bronze Medallists!!! YAY!!!

the bus ride there was INSANE!!! a trip to kingston took us from 1:30 pm to 10:30!!! it was snowing and we caught every rush hour too... but it wasn't bad.. lotsa bonding time with the team which was a lot of fun! hehehe.. it was funny.. we're all dressed the same! it was a great trip!!!

WESTERN! OI OI OI!!! when we got there, i saw taylor!! YAY! who else was there, alex rowell, katelyn jolivel, leo kwong, lauren wilson... herm.. surprisingly, iw as really nervous for my long! i had the crappiest warm up and i fell on almost everything but with a special turn of fate, i turned it around and skated one of the best solos of my life! i landed everything!! and I WON!! hehehehe.. i hated the dress though, it was so high, it was like 5 inches above my real hip bone! hehehe... Warren came to watch! YAY! thanks for the day warr! saw sammi too! hehehe... awh.. i miss them!

i went back to t.o that night instead of going back to western with the team. Took the 8pm via to toronto and dan picked me up downtown... downtown's so pretty!! with all the christmas decor and what not... I MISS IT!!! dinner with my mom and dan and then off to bed for me coz i was exhausted.. it was a full day at the skating rink from 8am to 6:30 pm... the next day was... oh wow.. i can't remember.. oh!!! I went to the inroads conference but i realized its not for me. don't want to work any of those jobs in the summer but i think ill still continue in it later.. just to keep options open.. working at P&G does sound cool though even though the chances of me getting the job in the first place is slim to none.

left the conference early since it was right by my apartment anyways..i was so tired that i just wanted to go home and sleep. Later on in the afternoon, i wanted to go shopping!!! got my mom ready, picked up dan and the three of us headed over to yorkdale for a day of shopping!!! YES! i miss it... all the stores... oh the comfort of yorkdale, oh i have missed you! hehehe... busy day though... dinner after that at asian legend with a funny incident with the bill.. hehehe... dan's mom came over later that night to see the apartment and hang out with my mom. It was fun... hehehe...

sunday at church... Charles Price was talking about the underground church in China and stuff.. and it was really cool because I could relate on a more personal basis. I MISS CHINA!! bayview village after... i bought the most beautiful pair of michael kors boots! I LOVE EM! lol... herm.. dan picked me up at 5:30 and because of my little screw up at via rail, dan ended up driving me to western!!! FOREVER GRATEFUL!!! anyways, i had the greatest weekend! and I enjoyed every minute!!! Im really completely satisfied....

Jacks tomorrow! quite excited coz its an AEO thing! mahaha.. aeo things are usually fun!!!

~ Christmas is a time to love

2005-11-22T14:37:00.000-05:00

it is SOOOO COLD!!! how'd it get soo cold so fast!!!

my roommate Anna is soo awesome! she bought a christmas tree and christmas decorations complete with fake snow to decorate our common area!! its so festive! and while she was decorating, Love Actually was playing on tv! hehehe.. so festive i love it!! plus, she bought little christmas stockings for each of our doors and stuffed it with chocolate! she's so cute! So i'm feeling all Christmassy now... especially since its snowing outside too! :D:D:D

herm.. queen's this weekend! quite excited... i love our outfits and I love how the team is so into team spirit and clothing.. so far, we've gotten purple adidas bags, black bubble jackets with western mustangs embroidered, uwo figure skating white hoodies, purple fleece scarves, black lululemon pants, name tags for our bags, varsity t-shirts. MUAHAHA.. that's western figure skatin spirit for you! we're going to be so purple this weekend! I LOVE IT!!!

to top it off, me and vick dyed our hair purple last night although it looks more maroonish than purple.. but.. ITS THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS! muahahaha...

im back on my yogurt obsession, except now, everytime i eat something dairy, i get queasy, is that a sign of lactose intolerance? because that's really sad since i love dairy products! OH NO!!

sociology midterm in two days.... if anyone wants to help me study, this is what you could do. randomly call or text me and make sure I'm NOT NAPPING!!! everytime i see the bed, i wanna nap and ITS BAD!!! BAD BAD BAD!!! i think i've gotten too many nights of too good sleeps.. i need to start pulling all nighters and actually focus on my work. Stupid bed, why do you have to be such a boon of comfort.. :(

alright, one chapter of sociology to study before my inroads meeting....

on a side note: I STILL LOVE STEEPED TEA!!!

2005-11-20T21:36:00.000-05:00

a sense paranoia just brushed over me... i don't know why and im sorry.... never again will I doubt...

fun fun weekend!!!!

went to waterloo on thursday coz someone was sick!!!! aiyeee.... did that hour long trek.. but it was worth it... trekked back up to london to pick up jo then trekked back to loo... lol!!! JO! we're soo bad.. honestly.... what have we become!!! LOL... thanks for coming up jo!!! you seriously are my sister.... i think the guys have become accustomed to our weirdness...

harry potter wasn't bad!! i actually cried when cedric was brought back to hogwarts and harry was crying.... such a touching scene... cho's voice was kinda weird though.. sorta asian/irish??? but she's pretty! and so was fleur!!! it was funny how they did that dance at their entrance... LOL.... anyways...

queens in a couple days... im quite excited!!!!

gta was awesome today! i really love that church... soo personal! hehe...

oi vay... jo got me hooked on steeped tea!

2005-11-13T10:31:00.000-05:00

wow.. a whole week since i blogged!!! i think that's the longest i've gone for... haha... so much things have happened i guess?? but that's what happens when you don't blog.. your life moves on but you havn't dictated it to blog... aiyee.. im not making sense... anyways... last weekend was fun.... shopping always great with someone you love.. muahaha.. especially if that someone is also a shopaholic.. muahahaha.... and the legend of zorro is honestly the greatest movie ever!!! sooo funny! i wanna be zorro now! he's soo cool.. no better yet.. i wanna be elena de la vega! she's not only hot, but she can fight too! no no.. i wanna be the little kid.. he's so cute! :D anyways... i love weekends and spur of the moment decisions that get you to do ridiculously insane things spontaneously! hahaha.. thanks for the weekend..

anyways.. victoria, d, and mike dragged me to watch saw 2!!! aiyee! i had to tell tracy to keep her door open just in case i got scared and i had to go to tracy.. i love tracy! she's honestly the best thing at western!!! :D:D:D... so gald she's my roomate! hehehe.. wouldn't have wanted anyone else.. anyways... yeah.. saw 2 was GROSS!!! absolutely sickening... gross gross gross... tha's all im saying...

herm.. lots of bonding time with emily this week... its great... i love that em is here at western too... :D

ooh.. our skating team is awesome!!! we had our first gathering on thursday and that was soo much fun!!! our dinner at the wave and that buffalo wrap! YUM!!! and the positively purple plastic painting party was awesome too!! those posters look awesome and we'll definitely win just because of those posters!! WATCH OUT QUEENS! HERE WE COME!!! anyways... yeah... not much else..

this weekend im back in toronto! such a great weekend so far... downtown shopping with dan on bloor st! wow... soo much stuff i want!!! hehehe.. but all i bought was pancake mix.. hahaha... anyways.. then lunch with dan and my mom.. that was fun... no longer awkward so that's good.... went to richmond hill to watch sectionals... omg..everyone grew so much!!!! we're no longer the little pre teens that use to scamper on the ice.. we're now mature and it was amazing to see how everyone has changed!!! i miss those days... anyways.. eaton centre after that but didn't buy anything except christmas decorations which was fun in it self

dinner with my MOMMY then a manicure/pedicure and massage at night.. what a great day!!!

ayt... off to lunch with dan, his mom, and my mom.. should be fun...

~ tis the season to be jolly ~

2005-11-04T11:14:00.000-05:00

DONE ASTRONOMY!!!! a burden has been lifted.. now to tackle that bus20...

2005-11-03T11:38:00.000-05:00

i have such messed up sleeping patterns... and sadly, im getting used to it! starting to get a little more work done now.. i figured that if i plan what i do every single hour, there would be less chance of me trailing off... which seems to be working... although some things take a little longer than anticipated... wish me luck for astronomy tomorrow!!!

haha.. being aeo is soo cool! they made sample cheat sheets, a full slideshow with step by step details on what to do for the midterm and even held a study session for us by an aeo2 who pretty much aced her midterm last year! plus, my mentor was able to get me a copy of last year's exam which was sweet!!! i guess that's why you become one minus all the stereotypes and all the hated looks when people find out your aeo. watch for a new article in 79.9 about this topic in specific.. HAHA..

im definitley hooked on starbucks and tims. I need at least one everyday! hehehe... it helps that em is hooked too so that we get starbucks all the time.. hehehe... skating this afternoon.. hopefully it would be as good as it was last week! even with dull skates... PAULLY! i need you here! muahaha.. i hope everything at the granite is resolved today... hopefully... its sad to see distance break us apart.... GOOD LUCK GIRLS!

on a side note: im loving my new phone.. MUAHAHAHA!!!

2005-10-31T17:36:00.000-05:00

as i silently dwell in the area of astronomy... i have come to the conclusion that i actually don't know anything about this course!!! sad eh? although i have chapter 1 downpacked.. i've got nothing else!!! i seriously don't know how to focus... its kind of stressing me out when everyone is getting the marks i used to get and im just failing miserably.... okay.. maybe not to that extent.. but i am very fidgety about school... Just realized that i never really studied before and now i have to!!!

i want the weekend to replay itself... a time with no academic headaches!

i bit my lip and now it hurts.

...ioeo lvyu...

2005-10-31T00:04:00.000-05:00

im back from a weekend of t.o! hehehe....for some reason, i am way more homesick now... i've grown to really appreciate the new apartment and all the comforts that it brings.. sad that i don't get to fully enjoy it until i actually graduate from western.. :( my bed is way too comfy, the lighting in my room is so pleasant, and the scent of my mom's cooking is to die for! well, overall a very successful and enjoyable weekend! hehe.. coming home and going on errands with my mom was actually quite fun! ran into a little trouble sat. afternoon but sat. dinner made up for it. at first dan felt awkward i guess but those who know my mom know that she can be really really stupid! i mean... when we went to pick up ate letty, my mom and her didn't know which car it was.. they went to the car in front of us and knocked on the window only to find two guys in the front!!! made a complete fool of themselves! oh boy... and then my mom completely skipping the meal and going straight to dessert? ahhh.. i love my mom.. she's so funny... successful dinner :)

im worried that certain friendships are slipping... we've known each other for like 7-8 years now and to fall apart over after that long is a scary thought... I wish nothing changed.. i wish we were all still young and carefree at the same place just enjoying one another's company.. when did drama have to come a long?? I miss those cricket days... which reminds me...

today i went to the cricket today.. and and and.. for some reason, walking through those doors made me feel so at home. Same guy at the front desk who knew us.. we were even able to have a conversation with him, something that would not happen at the granite. And then, walking through familiar halls and seeing the ice reminded me of a time where i loved skating and enjoyed it so much i was able to spend the whole day there even doing homework and eating dinner there. getting food from the snack bar ladies, saying hi to rolly and striking a conversation with the front desk guy! rolly said it right.. it is my home... plus.. Jo's there!!! wahahahaha!

herm.. opinions on me representing phil???

2005-10-26T09:09:00.000-04:00

Im on a roll!!!

I skipped 3 astronomy classes in a row, 1 business class, 1 classics class, 3 sociology classes in a row, 1 poli sci class, 1 sociology tutorial, and 1 poli sci tutorial in a span of 2 weeks!!! i broke a promise to many people and you may ask me why?? Its because all I have in my head is the notwithstanding clause!!!!! this stupid essay is making me miss class with the hopes of completing it only to procrastinate even more than if i did go to class!!! my sleeping hours are messed too!!! i end up taking a "nap" at 9 and waking up at 3!! only to sleep again at 4 and wake up at 9 therefore missing practice and my first class!!! i feel high school all over again where i would take these dangerous "Naps" and end up screwing myself over.. Naps are bad... no to naps... naps are the ultimate weapon of mass destruction in the education system!!!

on a brighter note, oh wait.. there is no brighter note! i've locked myself in my rez for the past two days while i silently watch myself fail...

2005-10-23T17:44:00.000-04:00

interesting weekend at western! hehehe

friday was a little insane for me... classics midterm!!! pulled two all nighters before hand so skating was a mess! i was falling on double toes!! what is that! honestly.. herm... skipped astro to study but i had to go to bus... that was okay... spent the rest of the noon time studying!!! aiyee... classics midterm was harder than i thought.. or maybe i just wasn't as prepared as i wanted to be... ohw ell.. STUPID PROCRASTINATION! herm.. had to relax after that... just had to... i went to weldon then to westmin then to masonville! hehehe... destress! so... we discovered this new thing called gakic??? anyone have any negative comments on it.. PLEASE LET ME KNOW! lol.. acf was fun! it was bible study.. so the thundercat got to together to study.. but a lot of the froshies weren't there cos of the calc exam.. sammo, matt t were up too for sam and jer's bday... hehehe.. quite fun.. havn't seen them in a while! after acf, we went to crabby joes for half price appetizers!! ray ray and I shared a giant thing! and ordered extra wings!! too much too much!!! hehehe.. unlimited shirly temple was good though... john lee and eric came up to join us.. hehehe.. soo fun.. dinner was alot of fun because acf pretty much dominated the entire restaurant.. ! hehehehe.. we should do stuff like that more often..

saturday... herm.. woke up late coz i caught up on my sleep... i had an aeosa committe lunch at t.j baxters! hehe.. fun time bonding with my fellow publicationers... hehehe.. interesting ideas brought up including an aeo golf shirt!! I LIKE THAT! lol.. cept.. doesn't help the stereotype of us being countryclub ish... hehehe.. or snooty.. LOL... it was fun though... i had this wicked buffalo finger wrap.. and it was soo good but i was soo full!!! herm.. gotta think about interships for the summer now... after lunch... i went to perth coz GRACE CAME!! MY HOESEE CAME TO SEE ME!!! hehehehe... she's so awesome! herm... waited for people coz it was foo's bday! everyone came to perth so we all went to all you can eat sushi! havn't had that in soo long and it was really nice to eat some tempura shrimp rolls again.. oh those tempura shrimp rolls..oh how i have missed you! hehehe... good times..but not cool to standing outside in the freezing cold for more than an hour doing nothing!!! hehehe.. we finally decided to go to summit afterwards for sam and jer's bday! hehehe.. immediately when we went in, drinks were offered! hehehe... it was fun to see people get drunk because some stupid stuff happened.. but some scary stuff happened too.. overall fun night though at sam and jer's and it was nice to see so many people from pca up too! hehehe... at 10, all the of age people wanted to go clubbin, so us underagers went back to perth.. for.. SURPRISE! more drinks... hahaha.. be proud.. i didn't drink in the midst of so many! hehehehe... overall fun night though to be with everyone... came back pretty early.. around 12ish??? herm.. did midnight laundry! wahahaha...

sunday.. went to sam hui's for breakfast and then to gta for church... it was a good church! very dynamic and fun and modern! herm.. maybe a new home church in the making?? iano... saw the acf softball game too... which was cool... ooh! and i satisfied my craving for a subway! heheheh... anyways.. now im back at rez and i really should be doing my polisci essay but i really don't wanna... GAR!!!! procrastination is really going to get me!!! im scared!!!

well, grace is here for the next two days.. so we shall have a lot of fun together!! LOL... that's a note for anyone wanting to visit.. Western is FUN!

2005-10-19T18:41:00.000-04:00

why do i eat so much when im studying???

stuff in my stomach:
- three cups of coffee
- three chocolate bars
- three bags of chips
- three lumpias
- tons of gummy strawberries
- fuzzy peaches
- cherry blasters
- felix and norton cookies
- glass of milk
- mac and cheese

surprisingly none of them are good for me!!!! GAR!!! and nothing is sticking in my head! this sucks... i hate midterms...

muahahaha.. new phone's here!!! YAY!!

HAPPY BDAY YONSOO!!!

2005-10-18T16:01:00.000-04:00

.....shortbread cookies just doesn't seem right without JOOOO.....