Wednesday, June 30, 2004
holy crap i have never been this tired!!!! okay.. this morning.. i had to wake up at SEVEN! coz miss ng was coming to pick me up at 9:00 to eat breakfast with me. i was soo tired and in pain this morning. and my groin hurt soo much i think i pulled it even more than it already is!! it was soo hard to walk... and i have never felt that drained out after sleep!! anyways.. i got changed and waited for miss ng.. she was right on time.. we went to empress walk and ate at toby's. It's actually not bad although Dunn's was a helluva lot better and cheaper... too bad no one ate there so it closed and become TOBY's.. anyways.. we talked alot about random things.. check up on each other pretty much... it was fun.. we talked about our "mat carriers" and who carried my mat. (referring to the story of the cripple whose friends carried him down the roof to see Jesus...) it was a really good article... anyways.. she made me realize how important it was to take the first initiative which is what i don't do... i realized how valuable a group of friend can be especially if they are close to you and you know that you can rely on them for anything..sadly to say its hard to find people like that.. for my whole life i have had few friends that I really really trust and rely on for anything...
she gave me the either to start a small group with people from school so that we can meet up weekly or biweekly just to check up and grow spiritually or mentally.. pretty much be the "mat carriers" for each other because each of us have our own disability that we need a helping hand with... it is also another way to express love to everyone since if we can't love our peers while they are visible then how are we able to love God who is invisible... so anyone interested in a small group in the fall email me! coz i really want this to work since it would be such a great opportunity to grow together....
anyways.. after breakfast, we went to loblaws to buy a chair.. hahaha.. then miss ng LOST HER TICKET for parking! oh wells.. at least the guy was nice and let us throw without the ticket.. it was funny though... dropped me off at home and I got ready for skating.. once i got to the rink, i immediately did not want to skate... i was way too exhausted... thank goodness it was pilates first or I would've DIED!!! pilates was harder than usual although it was supposed to be easy.. all i could think of was sleep and doing nothing.. i wanted a normal summer! anyways.. skating was funny... im supposed to do 4 solos a day and man.. I scammed it soo much.. i did three the first session.. went all out for the first two solos then on the third I cheated it soo badly.. did singles, completely missed jumps, skipped spins and walked around while my music was playing.. that was a lot of fun...
fitness was hard but fun.. hard in a sense that I did'nt have the energy to do anything.. i think under normal circumstances I would've been fine... anyways... while we were stretching, a caterpillar crawled on paulette.. that was funny! we put it back on the tree so i can turn into a butterfly!
skating again.. once again we scammed.. hehehe.. i told mrs. burka i did 4 solos and she had her booklet of rules so me and paulette just sat there and asked as many questions as possible about the booklet even if we repeated it.. mrs burka repeated the layback section TWICE! haha.. good waste of time.. we didn't do anything for 45 minutes! I had my lesson on the next session and spins... I am soooo exhausted from today...
My exhaustion was revealed in my piano lesson later.. i couldn't concentrate and I kept playing the wrong notes, the wrong rythmn.. my teacher asked me such a simple question that I would've answered in my sleep.. but i was tooo tired so i couldn't interpret the question correctly and completely blanked out... how embarassing..
to top off the already bad day.. i called my dad and got a lecture on how his goal for me in skating has changed and doesn't expect much from me anymore.. he's not willing to spend as much seeing that I can't make it anywhere anyways... he pretty much said I was a failure at skating and he doesn't care about it anymore.. I felt like I disappointed him soo much and I just wasted all my time.. I suddenly lost all motivation to skate further.. he said its useless to spend all that time and effort on a lost cause.. to rephrase.. and man.. i felt like i just took a bullet in the heart.. im skating for a lost cause.. there's no meaning to skating... what's the use to skate then if I wasted all that time! man... why the heck do i do it... why the heck do i skate.. life would've been soo much better without skating.. then I would be able to lead a normal life without half the stress that I go through for skating... man.. why don't i just QUIT!!
9:12 PM
