Wednesday, December 29, 2004
i think i have become nothing but an errand goer... havn't done anything but! OIII! i seriously have been stripped of my life and become nothing but a person who does errands.. with no control over my speech, my actions, what I do, where I go, and what i think. i have soo much in me that i need to get out but i can't. i'm not usually one who is bombarded with so much to think about, i usually have nothing to think about, but what' has become of me? I havn't been hyper in ages, I havn't been satisfied with myself, I havn't even been eating the usual way. I guess Im just frustrated with the way certain things have turned out plus Im facing more frustrations especially during this holidays. Don't get me wrong, certain aspects of this holidays have made me smile and made me feel so special, but for some reason, the negative aspects have a higher impact on me than the positive which is abnormal for me. What a great way to end the year eh? Plus, there is this constant shadow looming over me, probably looming over most of us, that haunts me and just gives me a headache everytime i think about it... the future. Where am I next year? What am I doing next year? I think im struggling with freedom too. I'm not given the freedom to do much of what I want, and sometimes I feel that I am still treated like a kid.. Oii... i don't know anymore. If you're reading this, please pray for me. Pray for God's guidance over my life because it is during this time that I really need to just trust that everything is in His hands and that I really shouldn't be taking control over my own life.
special shouts go out to Brii, Dani, Helen, Heidi, Sam, Jerome. You guys don't understand how much that meant to me. Sadly, it is one of the highlights of my holidays. Made me feel like I was still someone important and special. hehehe.. thanks you guys.. love you to bits.
where's my knight? haha...
4 days till school...
11:22 PM
