Thursday, January 06, 2005
Are you having a hard time getting through life or facing a challenging situation?
Consider these words: "Your external world is an accurate reflection of your internal state of being"
your inner life is the cuase and the source of everything that manifests around you.
It is your responsibility to take the necessary steps to ensure that what is going on inside of you is in perfect harmony, because everything you desire will happen through you, not to you!
Begin within and allow all the things you kow how to be blossom into the truth of who you are.
Be devoted to being all the things you say you want.
Today, I am devoted to being what I am, which is all I want to be!
- Iyanla Vanzant
Have I changed? Do I portray a different outlook now? What has become of me? Am I being all that I am, keeping all my core values, and believing that I can be who I want to be? Its funny how devotionals always seem to hit you with the right message right when you need it. In a way, my life hasn't changed. I am still me, procrastinating like crazy, enjoying a laugh here and there, eating and living. But I also feel that me, as a person has changed dramatically as well. I don't get hyper as much anymore, I don't love life as much as I used to, I don't eat as much, and I seem to have more and more problems to deal with. Iano... maybe God's just testing me but it feels like my life is falling apart even though it really isn't.
But through this, I realized how many people actually care for me, who support me no matter what. You guys know who you are, and everytime you guys said, "Ill support you no matter what", or "Im always here", or even just an act of concern.. it truly brightens up my day and makes me feel loved. It is through you guys that I see God's love for me. Its funny because these usually come from those I least expect it. Its great to see certain people in the halls because even though they may not know what I'm going through, they always seem to say the right words.
Iano, maybe its just a phase that everyone goes through where they're struggling with something they don't really know. Just a hurdle to get over. I guess I just have to reset all my values and beliefs and really trust God to pull me through this.
I don't know what's going on in my head either but I know that eventually, I have to make a decision. Probably one of the toughest I'll ever have to make. It goes back to my values, am I willing to risk it all? I need to refocus my heart to see what it tells me to do, or more importantly, what God wants me to do. At this point, that's all I can do, rely on God. ugh... what to do what to do. One moment, I have everything clear, then next I don't. Im clear, then I doubt. Is it really supposed to be this hard? Its funny coz the more I push, the more I desire more. oiii....
anyways, school has started once again. It truly feels like we never left. Eng hamlet stuff, Eng ISP to do, Calc tests, Law ISP, Eco ISP, Data tests plus the ultimate dread, Exams! Can we make it? YES WE CAN!! if anyone sees me procrastinating, please yell at me. unless I'm blogging.. :D At least uni applications are over, now I can concentrate on supplements and scholarships. oiii.. even more work to do.
Lord, there's so many lifes that are devastate by the disastrous tsunami. Only you know why it occurred but please, show your face to those who really need you now. Let your Face shine in the light of destruction and let them know that you are there. Let the whole world know that You will stand victorious and that You have not neglected those who need you. Amen..
please pray for those in the tsunami crisis :
donate here
on a lighter note: here's an OC spoiler to those who read this within the hour.
Marissa lets loose on her folks after learning of their affair---and how Jimmy plans to end it; Caleb wins back his freedom in court, but remains a loser in Kirsten's eyes; Ryan and Lindsey try to figure out if the Cohen family ties apply to them; and Seth's "bad boy" phase nearly sinks Summer and Zach's romance.
As one family strengthens, another will be changed forever. The Cohens, after Caleb's revelation, decide to try to accept Lindsay as a member of the family, while another family is heartbroken over the news that one of them is leaving Newport Beach. Meanwhile, Seth tries to be a "bad boy" like Ryan to improve his relationship with Alex.
Jimmy, played by Tate Donovan, leaves on the Jan. 6 episode.
Seth is with a girl named Alex and he asks her if she needs anything, maybe a sandwich? Some punk guys and a hot punk girl come in saying they needs smokes and beers. Seth says he has questions for her and she says she'll answer tonight at the Modest Mouse concert. She uses a lot the word "nice" when talking to Seth, which has him talk about this with Sandy and Ryan because he thinks it means he has no edge, no danger. Expect him to be searching for his "edge" in this episode. An event seems to be happening at the Cohens' because they have a valet parking cars and Julie tells Caleb that she can't wait to get out of there. Caleb's car is stolen. Kirsten, Summer, and Zach also appear.
wow.. and I have written an essay.
6:21 PM
